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Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free::
Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
ARIES (March 21-April 19): "Life is not just a diurnal property of large interesting vertebrates," poet Gary Snyder reminds us in his book The Practice of the Wild . "It is also nocturnal, anaerobic, microscopic, digestive, fermentative: cooking away in the warm dark." I call this to your attention, Aries, because according to my astrological reckoning, you’d be wise to honor all the life that is cooking away in the warm dark. It’s the sun-at-midnight time of your long-term cycle; the phase when your luminescent soul throbs with more vitality than your shiny ego. Celebrate the unseen powers that sustain the world. Pay reverence to what’s underneath, elusive and uncanny. Halloween costume tips: Draw inspiration from the shadow, the dream, the moon, the depths. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Speaking on behalf of the cosmic powers-that-be, I hereby give you permission to make your love bigger and braver. Raise it to the next level, Taurus! Help it find a higher expression. Wherever your love has felt pinched or claustrophobic, treat it to a liberation. If it has been hemmed in by a lack of imagination, saturate it with breezy fantasies and flamboyant dreams. Cut it free from petty emotions that have wounded it, and from sour memories that have weighed it down. What else could you do to give love the poetic license it needs to thrive? Halloween costume suggestion: the consummate lover. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You’ve heard the old platitude, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade." The owner of a pizzeria in Mildura, Australia updated that sentiment in 2010 when the area was invaded by swarms of locusts. "They’re crunchy and tasty," he said of the bugs, which is why he used them as a topping for his main dish. It so happens that his inventive approach would make good sense for you right now, Gemini. So if life gives you a mini-plague of locusts, make pizza garnished with the delectable creatures. Halloween costume suggestion: pizza delivery person carrying this novel delicacy. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Some doors are almost always locked. On those infrequent occasions when they are ajar, they remain so for only a brief period before being closed and bolted again. In the coming weeks, Cancerian, I urge you to be alert for the rare opening of such a door. Through luck or skill or a blend of both, you may finally be able to gain entrance through—or perhaps exit from—a door or portal that has been shut tight for as long as you remember. Halloween costume suggestion: the seeker who has found the magic key. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Microbiologist Raul Cano managed to obtain a 45-million-year-old strain of yeast from an ancient chunk of amber. It was still alive! Collaborating with a master brewer, he used it to make a brand of beer. One critic praised Fossil Fuel pale ale for its sweetness and clove aroma, while another said it has a "complex and well-developed taste profile." I regard their successful project as a good metaphor for the task you have ahead of you in the coming weeks, Leo: extracting the vital essence from an old source, and putting it to work in the creation of a valuable addition to your life. Halloween costume suggestions: a friendly ghost, a polite and helpful mummy, a cloned version of Buddha, the person you were as a child. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): "When I read a book on Einstein’s physics of which I understood nothing, it doesn’t matter," testified Pablo Picasso, "because it will make me understand something else." You might want to adopt that approach for your own use in the coming weeks, Virgo. It’s almost irrelevant what subjects you study and investigate and rack your brains trying to understand; the exercise will help you stretch your ability to master ideas that have been beyond your reach—and maybe even stimulate the eruption of insights that have been sealed away in your subconscious mind. Halloween costume suggestion: an eager student, a white-coated lab researcher, Curious George. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): "Sit, walk, or run, but don’t wobble," says the Zen proverb. Now I’m passing it on to you as advice worthy of your consideration. Maintaining clarity of purpose will be crucial in the coming weeks. Achieving crispness of delivery will be thoroughly enjoyable. Cultivating unity among all your different inner voices will be a high art you should aspire to master. Whatever you do, Libra, do it with relaxed single-mindedness. Make a sign that says "No wobbling," and tape it to your mirror. Halloween costume suggestion: Be the superhero known as No Wobbling. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You could preside over your very own Joy Luck Club in the coming days. According to my reading of the astrological omens, the levels of gratification possible could exceed your normal quota by a substantial margin. You may want to Google the Chinese character that means "double happiness" and use it as your ruling symbol. And it might be time to explore and experiment with the concepts of "super bliss," "sublime delight" and "brilliant ecstasy." Halloween costume suggestions: a saintly hedonist from paradise; a superhero whose superpower is the ability to experience extreme amounts of pleasure; the luckiest person who ever lived. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): For more than a hundred years, an English woman named Lena Thouless celebrated her birthday on November 23. When she was 106, her daughter found her birth certificate and realized that mom had actually been born on November 22. I’m guessing that a comparable correction is due in your own life, Sagittarius. Something you’ve believed about yourself for a long time is about to be revealed as slightly off. Halloween costume suggestion: a version of yourself from a parallel reality or another dimension. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "Everyone is a genius at least once a year," said scientist Georg C. Lichtenberg. According to my reading of the astrological omens, Capricorn, the coming weeks will be your time to confirm the truth of that aphorism. Your idiosyncratic brilliance is rising to a fever pitch, and may start spilling over into crackling virtuosity any minute now. Be discriminating about where you use that stuff; don’t waste it on trivia or on triumphs that are beneath you. Halloween costume suggestions: Einstein, Marie Curie, Leonardo da Vinci, Emily Dickinson. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You’re ready to shed juvenile theories, amateurish approaches or paltry ambitions. I’m not implying you’re full of those things; I’m just saying that if you have any of them, you’ve now got the power to outgrow them. Your definition of success needs updating, and I think you’re up to the task. Why am I so sure? Well, because the Big Time is calling you—or at least a Bigger Time. Try this: Have brainstorming sessions with an ally or allies who know your true potential and can assist you in formulating aggressive plans to activate it more fully. Halloween costume suggestions: a head honcho, big wheel, fat cat, top dog. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I know a woman who claims on her Facebook page that she speaks four languages: English, Elvish, Mermish and Parseltongue. (For those of you who don’t read Tolkien or Harry Potter, Elvish is the language of the elves, Mermish of the mermaids and mermen, and Parseltongue of the serpents.) My Facebook friend probably also knows Pig Latin, baby talk, and glossolalia, although she doesn’t mention them. I’d love for you to expand your mastery of foreign tongues, Pisces, even if it’s just one of the above—and the coming weeks and months will be an excellent time to begin. You will have a greater capacity for learning new ways to talk than you have since childhood. Halloween costume suggestion: a bilingual bisexual ambidextrous expert in reciting tongue twisters. Homework: Scare yourself with your exquisite beauty. Freak yourself out by realizing how amazing you are. Testify at freewillastrology.com.