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Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free::
Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
ARIES (March 21-April 19): You seem primed to act like a ram, the astrological creature associated with your sign. I swear you have that look in your eyes: the steely gaze that tells me you’re about to take a very direct approach to smashing the obstacles in your way. I confess that I have not always approved of such behavior. In the past you have sometimes done more damage to yourself than to the obstruction you’re trying to remove. But this is one time when the head-first approach might work. There is indeed evidence that the job at hand requires a battering ram. What does your intuition tell you?TAURUS (April 20-May 20): "I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)" is a raucous love song by the Scottish band The Proclaimers. In the chorus the singer declares, "I would walk 500 miles/ And I would walk 500 more/ Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles/ To fall down at your door." In 2011 a Chinese woman named Ling Hsueh told her boyfriend Liu Peiwen she would marry him if he took the lyrics of this song to heart. In response, loverboy embarked on a thousand-mile hike to the distant city where she lived. His stunt seemed to have expedited the deepening of their relationship. The two are now wed. In accordance with your current astrological omens, Taurus, I encourage you to consider the possibility of being a romantic fool like Liu Peiwen. What playfully heroic or richly symbolic deed might you be willing to perform for the sake of love?GEMINI (May 21-June 20): "The works must be conceived with fire in the soul but executed with clinical coolness," said the painter Joan Miró in describing his artistic process. I recommend a similar approach to you in the coming weeks. Identify what excites you the most and will continue to inspire and energize you for the foreseeable future. Activate the wild parts of your imagination as you dream and scheme about how to get as much of that excitement as you can stand. And then set to work with methodical self-discipline to make it all happen.CANCER (June 21-July 22): My vision of you in the coming week involves you being more instinctual, natural and primal than usual. I have a picture in my mind of you climbing trees, rolling in the grass, holding bugs in your hands and letting the wind mess up your hair. You’re gazing up at the sky a lot, and you’re doing spontaneous dance moves for no other reason than because it feels good. And you’re serenading the sun, clouds and hills with your favorite songs. I see you eating food with your fingers and touching things you’ve never touched. I hear you speaking wild truths you’ve bottled up for months. As for sex? I think you know what to do.LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The Japanese word senzuri refers to a sexual act of self-love performed by a man. Its literal meaning is "a hundred rubs." The corresponding term for the female version is shiko shiko manzuri, or "ten thousand rubs." Judging from the astrological omens, I’m guessing that the applicable metaphor for you in the days ahead will be shiko shiko manzuri rather than senzuri. Whatever gender you are, you’ll be wise to slowww wayyyy down and take your time, not just in pursuit of pleasure but in pretty much everything you do. The best rewards and biggest blessings will come from being deliberate, gradual, thorough and leisurely.VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): "A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that the balances are correct," wrote science fiction author Frank Herbert. I urge you to heed that advice. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you will oversee the germination of several new trends in the coming weeks. Future possibilities will reveal themselves to you. You will be motivated to gather the ingredients and formulate the plans to make sure those trends and possibilities will actually happen. One of the most critical tasks you can focus on is to ensure the balances are righteous right from the start.LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The online Time Travel Mart sells products you might find handy in the event that you travel through time. Available items include barbarian repellant, dinosaur eggs, time travel sickness pills, a centurion’s helmet, a portable wormhole and a samurai umbrella. I have no financial tie to this store. So when I recommend you consider purchasing something from it or another company with a similar product line, it’s only because I suspect that sometime soon you will be summoned to explore and possibly even alter the past. Be well-prepared to capitalize on the unexpected opportunities. (Here’s the Time Travel Mart: http://826la.org/store.)SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Mystic poets find the divine presence everywhere. The wind carries God’s love, bestowing tender caresses. The scent of a lily is an intimate message from the Holy Beloved, provoking bliss. Even a bowl of oatmeal contains the essence of the Creator; to eat it is to receive an ecstatic blessing. But those of us who aren’t mystic poets are not necessarily attuned to all this sweetness. We may even refuse to make ourselves receptive to the ceaseless offerings. To the mystic poets, we are like sponges floating in the ocean but trying very hard not to get wet. Don’t do that this week; Scorpio. Be like a sponge floating in the ocean and allow yourself to get totally soaked.SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): James Caan is a well-known actor who has appeared in more than 80 movies, including notables like The Godfather, A Bridge Too Far, and Elf. But he has also turned down major roles in a series of blockbusters: Star Wars, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Kramer vs. Kramer, Blade Runner and Apocalypse Now. I present his odd choices as a cautionary tale for you in the coming weeks, Sagittarius. Don’t sell yourself short. Don’t shrink from the challenges that present themselves. Even if you have accomplished a lot already, an invitation to a more complete form of success may be in the offing.CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "What a terrible mistake to let go of something wonderful for something real," says a character in one of Miranda July’s short stories. I’m offering similar advice to you, Capricorn. The "something real" you would get by sacrificing "something wonderful" might seem to be the more practical and useful option, but I don’t think it would be in the long run. Sticking with "something wonderful" will ultimately inspire breakthroughs that boost your ability to meet real-world challenges.AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): "There is more truth in our erotic zones than in the whole of religions and mathematics," wrote the English artist Austin O. Spare. I think he was being melodramatic. Who can say for sure whether such an extreme statement is accurate? But I suspect that it’s at least a worthy hypothesis for you to entertain in the coming weeks, Aquarius. The new wisdom you could potentially stir up through an exploration of eros will be extensive and intensive. Your research may proceed more briskly if you have a loving collaborator who enjoys playing, but that’s not an absolute necessity.PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): "This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last." So says a character in Oscar Wilde’s play The Importance of Being Earnest. I could envision you speaking those words sometime soon. Plain old drama could creep in the direction of passionate stimulation. High adventure may beckon, and entertaining stories might erupt. Soon you could find yourself feeling tingly all over, and that might be so oddly pleasant that you don’t want it to end. With the right attitude—that is, a willingness to steep yourself in the lyrical ambiguity—your soul could feed off the educational suspense for quite a while.