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Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free
::Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
7 min read
ARIES (March 21-April 19) : I personally don’t believe we’re living in the worst of times, although I know many people who do. While there are indeed reasons to despair, our current state of affairs is actually in many ways quite glorious. And our struggles are puny compared to those of the generation that lived through the two World Wars and the Great Depression. Having said that, I think it’s fine to believe that civilization is in a terrible mess if it motivates you to shed all your trivial distractions and inessential wishes so as to dedicate yourself to living an exciting, generous life that’s rich with love and meaning. Now is a prime time for you, Aries, to dedicate yourself to such a path. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) : Throughout 2010, you’re most likely to be consistently in the right place at the right time if you cultivate an amused skepticism toward what’s in vogue. In fact, I suspect that only one trend will be of any use to you at all. You heard me correctly, Taurus: Of all the fashionable obsessions that may tempt you, just one will be in sweet alignment with your authentic needs. And guess what? Right now happens to be the perfect moment to get hooked up with it. GEMINI (May 21-June 20) : When I was lead vocalist in the band Tao Chemical, I sang a tune whose chorus went as follows: "I want the truth / the whole truth / nothing but the truth / I want the truth / Don’t beat around the bush." Shortly after we started performing the song, my girlfriend broke up with me. And she felt free—given what I proclaimed in those lyrics—to share with me every excruciating detail about her new relationship. It was painful, and I felt tempted to forswear the song and never utter those brave words again. But I was ultimately glad I didn’t weaken. To this day, I prefer knowing the full facts. Now I’m recommending to you, Gemini, that you pledge yourself to the same intention in the coming weeks. It should be much easier for you than it initially was for me. Most of the truths rushing in will be interesting and enlivening, with just a little angst mixed in. CANCER (June 21-July 22) : "Jane Austen was the spinster daughter of a clergyman who led an uneventful life," wrote Geoffrey Wheatcroft in The Guardian. "She just happened to write half a dozen flawless masterpieces, which came perfectly formed, not from experience but from imagination." Most of us don’t have anything close to the inconceivably potent imagination that Austen possessed. But I believe 2010 will be a year when you can access at least a portion of that wondrous capacity. You’ll be able to fantasize about vast possibilities in exquisite detail. You will have great skill at smashing your way free of limiting expectations through the power of your expansive vision. And the coming weeks will be a time when it should all kick into high gear. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) : Of all the symbols in the world, the swastika is the most horrendous. As the logo for Hitler’s Nazi movement, it will forever smack of evil. But it didn’t used to be that way. In many cultures throughout history, from the Greeks to the Hindus to the Native Americans, the swastika was a representation of the sun’s path across the sky, and was regarded as highly auspicious, even a good luck charm. Can you think of a more modest equivalent of this phenomenon in your own life, Leo? A formerly wonderful thing that got spoiled somewhere along the way? The coming weeks will be a good time to determine whether you could redeem and rehabilitate it. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) : I need a break from watching you work your psyche to the bone. At least for now, I’m not willing to indulge you in your inclination to do your duty so exhaustively that you suffer. And as much as I admire your drive to get things perfect, I cannot in good conscience encourage you to do that, either. It is therefore with a sense of relief that I counsel you to take at least a week off from the behavior I described. Instead, try playful, messy experiments that are in service to your own needs. Be a freewheeling explorer, a wandering improviser. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) : "Whatever gets in the way of the work," wrote poet Jason Shinder, "is the work." His counsel will serve as a good reminder for you if you meet with obstacles in the coming days. If you ever catch yourself thinking, "Damn! I’d be making such good progress if it weren’t for these inconvenient complications," consider the possibility that the inconvenient complications aren’t distractions, but rather crucial clues; they’re not pains in the assets, but medicinal prods that point the way to the real opportunities. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) : Have you ever watched the TV show "The Office"? If so, you may remember when Darryl from the warehouse was going out with customer service rep Kelly. "You need to access your uncrazy side," he told her at a turning point in their relationship. "Otherwise, maybe this thing has run its course." I’d like to invite you to do the same, Scorpio: Tap into, draw up to the surface and abundantly express your uncrazy side. I predict that you will have a whole lot of fun if you do, thereby proving that you don’t need to be marinating in chaos and torment in order to experience high adventure. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) : The game you’ve been enmeshed in has reached a sticking point, or soon will. I recommend that you call for a suspension of action. If that’s not possible, hide from the other players for a while, or jokingly tell them you have to excuse yourself because it’s time for your regular bout of cleansing escapism. Then, during the break, scour your brain free of clutter so you can gain a more dispassionate view of your own strategy. I also suggest that you seek the advice of a smart and impartial observer. If all goes well, you’ll be able to return to the fray refreshed within 10 days. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) : Being scrupulously ethical can be taxing and time-consuming. It involves high levels of ongoing self-examination, which many people are too selfish and lazy to bother with. On the upside, pursuing a path with integrity ultimately reduces one’s suffering. It also attracts the kind of assistance that is most likely to aid and abet one’s quest for liberation. As a bonus, it makes it unlikely that one will be a cockroach in one’s next incarnation. I’m bringing this up, Capricorn, because I’m sensing that you’re about to be tempted to be less than your best self. Please don’t succumb. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) : "The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable," said renowned economist John Kenneth Galbraith. If that’s true, I’m doubling the damage to my dignity by using astrological analysis to make an economic forecast in this horoscope. But that’s OK. My job is to report the raw truth as I see it, not worry about my reputation or social status. And the raw truth as I see it is that you are more likely than all the other signs of the zodiac to prosper in 2010, even if the economy as a whole continues to limp along. The next four weeks will be an ideal time to launch a master plan to take advantage of this potential. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) : Historians trace the origin of Poland as a nation to the year 966. It mostly thrived for hundreds of years, but was extinguished in 1795, when three imperialistic invaders—Russia, Prussia and Austria—claimed different parts of it as their own. Throughout the 19th century, when there was no Poland, the Poles fought to restore self-rule. Their dream came true on Nov. 11, 1918, when Poland once again became an independent nation. I regard the phase you’re now in, Pisces, as having certain similarities to the state of the Polish people in October 1918. Congratulations in advance for the imminent return of your sovereignty. Homework : Are you a candidate for pronoia, the idea that the universe is fundamentally friendly? Check here: http://bit.ly/WhatisPronoia