ARIES (March 21-April 19): If you’d like to be in supreme alignment with cosmic rhythms this week, I suggest that you completely avoid using the F-word. Likewise, you’ll maximize your chances for taking advantage of fate’s currents if you refrain from ever using the S-word, the C-word, the M-word and the B-word. As a general rule, the more precise and the less lazy you are in using language, the more willpower you’ll have and the better able you’ll be to attract the experiences you want. It’s always invigorating to choose your words creatively and kindly, of course, but especially now. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If you grow a mere acre of peanuts, in a good year you’ll harvest a big enough crop to make 30,000 peanut butter sandwiches. That might be more than you need. If you just plant enough peanuts to fill a basketball court, you’ll still have enough to make over 3,200 sandwiches, which would provide you with more than eight every day for a year. This is a good phase of your astrological cycle to be thinking thoughts like these, Taurus. You will have more insight and motivation than usual if you formulate long-term plans to create abundance for yourself. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): As they orbit the planet, astronauts witness as many as 15 sunrises and sunsets each day. Time isn’t really sped up for them, but it seems like it. I expect you to experience a similar feeling in the coming weeks, Gemini. You may have the fantasy that you’re living the equivalent of four days every 24 hours. The light will be brighter, the emotions richer and the teachings more highly concentrated. If you give yourself to the surge with relaxed enthusiasm and focused receptivity, your evolution will be expedited. CANCER (June 21-July 22): I think you’re ready to stand up and reclaim your power from the soul-sucking influences that have been swindling you. But you don’t have to turn this showdown into a melodramatic epic that brings down the house or blows up the world. In fact, I think it’s better if you stay low-key as you transform the dynamics that have been grinding you down. The adjustments may be nowhere near as major as you imagine. Why? Because most of what you need to do is make shifts in your own attitude. The necessary changes in outer circumstances will arise naturally once you’ve done that. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): If I were writing the story of your life as a fairy tale, the current chapter would be filled with enchanted events. You’d hear animals’ thoughts in your head and you’d remember your past lives. You’d be able to find accurate oracles in the shapes of clouds, the ringing of distant bells and the patterns of shadows on the sidewalk. You would see the help that’s invisible to everyone else and know what to do in order to get the love you want. Take advantage of the available mojo, Leo. Use it to set people free, including yourself. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): How skilled are you at getting things done and making things happen? This is different from just being busy; it’s not the same as scrambling around attending to whatever tasks are at the forefront of your attention. I’m talking about actually cranking out excellent results that manifest a comprehensive vision of your intentions. I’m talking about working hard and smart to serve the big picture, not working frenetically and mechanically to rid yourself of nervous mental energy. You’re in a phase when these themes are especially important, Virgo. Be a master of the details; don’t let the details master you. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In her essay "Write Till You Drop," author Annie Dillard offers advice to aspiring writers. I’m going to quote a certain passage that happens to be apropos for you Libras right now. "Spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time. Do not hoard what seems good for later … give it, give it all, give it now. The impulse to save something good for a better place later is the signal to spend it now. Something more will arise for later, something better. These things fill from behind, from beneath, like well water. Similarly, the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you." SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In a Rolling Stone interview, musician John Mayer suggested that Tiger Woods could have avoided his terrible troubles if he had just chosen to masturbate more. Rather than literally acting out his obsessive sexual urges with a jillion women who weren’t his wife, why not contain them in the fantasy realm? I suggest you consider applying this principle as you make your decisions in the coming weeks, Scorpio—not just in regards to your sexual life, but in other areas as well. There may be times when you could prevent an influx of unnecessary chaos simply by conducting a conversation in your imagination rather than by having it with the actual person who seems to be agitating or enthralling you. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): There are very few people who can lick their own elbows, and up until now you have probably not been one of them. Judging from the current astrological configurations, however, I’m guessing that a lot of you Sagittarians are about to be more flexible, limber and acrobatic than usual—not just in your mental attitudes but possibly even in your physical abilities. At least metaphorically speaking, you’ll be able to bend over backwards without damaging your dignity. You could also stretch and twist yourself into poses that have previously been impossible. So who knows? Maybe you’ll find a way to plant a kiss on your own elbow. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The TV comedy series "Community" takes place on the sleepy campus of a community college. It features the hijinks of seven misfits who are older and weirder than their fellow students. In one episode, an inept female security guard chases the lead character, Jeff, hoping to catch and cite him for a farcical misdemeanor. As she races along, shouting for him to stop, she takes out her can of pepper spray and shoots several streams in his direction. The cloud of noxious stuff doesn’t reach him, but she runs face-first into it as she continues her pursuit. It irritates her eyes and forces her to halt. Later, in telling her associate what happened, she says she was the victim of "self-inflicted friendly fire." I worry that you’ll soon be tempted to carry out a metaphorical version of that, Capricorn. Please don’t. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Here’s how author Leo Buscaglia described the rigorous requirements for being a great lover. You must "continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain." I’m sorry to report that no one I’ve ever known has met those high standards! In the coming weeks, however, you Aquarians will have the potential to get halfway there. Life will conspire to boost every effort you make to be a great lover. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Recently I was remembering the names of streets near the house where I grew up in Allen Park, Mich. Although I didn’t register it at the time, they were lyrical, euphonious and evocative: Philomene, Shenandoah, Osage, Luana, Cleophus, Gahona. As I walked and played on them day after day for years, my imagination breathed in the magic of their exotic sounds, unobtrusively nurturing my poetic sensibilities. I bring this up, Pisces, in the hope of inspiring a comparable rumination in you. Think back on the riches of the past whose importance to your development you may have underestimated. It’s a good time to re-connect with the power and glory of influences that brought out the best in you almost without your knowledge. Homework: Psychologists hypothesize that the best way to eliminate a bad habit is to replace it with a good one. Tell how you’ll do that. Go to Freewillastrology.com and click "E-mail Rob."
Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text message horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at (877) 873-4888 or (900) 950-7700.