ARIES (March 21-April 19): Today I received this email: "Dear Chosen One: My name is Boopsky, also known as ‘The Impossible.’ I rule a small kingdom that exists in a secret place—an island with abundant riches and rhinoceros playgrounds. To make a long story short, you have won our ‘naked’ lottery. Please come visit us to claim your prizes. We will carve a statue of you out of butter and strawberry jam. Your funny ways of walking and talking will be imitated by all of our citizens. Then you will be caressed as a monarch on a pile of TVs and sung songs to by our reincarnation chorus. Can’t wait to see you be so happy!" I suspect you may soon receive an invitation as puzzling as this one, Aries—an apparent blessing that carries mixed messages or odd undertones. My suggestion is to hold off on accepting it until you find out more about it. Meanwhile, make sure it doesn’t distract you from taking advantage of a less flashy but more practical opportunity. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In order to capture the spirit of the landscapes he painted, French artist Claude Monet used to work outside in all kinds of weather. When I look at masterpieces like "Snow at Argenteuil" or "The Magpie, Snow Effect, Outskirts of Honfleur," I like to imagine he was so engrossed in his work that he barely even registered the bitter chill. I bet you’ll be able to achieve a similar intensity of focus in the coming week, Taurus. You could be so thoroughly absorbed in an act of creation or a ritual of transition or an attempt at transformation that you will be virtually exempt from any discomfort or inconvenience that might be involved. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): What’s going to happen for you in the coming week will be the metaphorical equivalent of gaining the ability to see infrared light with your naked eye or to detect the ultrasonic sounds that only dogs can hear. With this virtual superpower at your disposal, you just may be able to figure out how people’s unspoken feelings have been covertly affecting your destiny. You will intuit lucid inklings about the probable future that will help you adjust your decisions. You might even tune in to certain secrets that your own unconscious mind has been hiding from you. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Devilish laughter revels in chaos, says Loyola University philosophy professor John Clark. "It’s an assault on excessive order, authority and seriousness." Angelic laughter, on the other hand, "expresses delight in the wondrousness of life and in the mystery of the order and fitness of things." I’d like to suggest, Cancerian, that the time is ripe for you to revel equally in the devilish and the angelic varieties of laughter. So get out there and seek funny experiences that dissolve your fixations and celebrate your life’s crazy beauty. The healing that results could be spectacular. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Last year a group of wealthy Germans asked their government to require them to pay higher taxes. "We have more money than we need," said the 44 multi-millionaires. They wanted to help alleviate the ravages of poverty and unemployment. I urge you to make a comparable move, Leo. In what part of your life do you have more abundance than most people? Are there practical ways you could express your gratitude for the extravagant blessings life has given you? I think you’ll find that raising your levels of generosity will ultimately lead to you receiving more love. (Here’s more on the story about rich Germans: tinyurl.com/RichHelp.) VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): "I don’t know what I’m looking for," sings Brendan Benson in his bouncy pop song, "What I’m Looking For," "but I know that I just want to look some more." I suspect those words could come out of your mouth these days, Virgo. I worry that you’ve become so enamored with the endless quest that you’ve lost sight of what the object of the quest is. You almost seem to prefer the glamour of the restless runaround—as painful as it sometimes is. That probably means you’re at least somewhat out of touch with the evolution of your primal desires. Check back in with the raw, throbbing source, please. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): When it’s flood season, the Amazon River rises as much as 60 feet. At that time, the adjoining forests earn their name— várzea , a Portuguese word meaning "flooded forests." The river’s fish wander far and wide, venturing into the expanded territory to eat fruit from the trees. In the coming weeks, Libra, I imagine you’ll be like those fish: taking advantage of the opportunities provided by a natural windfall. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Provocative new influences are headed your way from a distance. Meanwhile, familiar influences that are close at hand are about to burst forth with fresh offerings. It’s likely that both the faraway and nearby phenomena will arrive on the scene at around the same time and with a similar intensity. Try not to get into a situation where they will compete with or oppose each other. Your best bet will be to put them both into play in ways that allow them to complement each other. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Are you desperate for more companionship? Have your night dreams been crammed with soulful exchanges? Are you prowling around like a lusty panther, fantasizing about every candidate who’s even remotely appealing? If so, I have some advice from the poet Rumi: "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." In other words, Sagittarius: To foster the search for intimate connection, identify the patterns within yourself that are interfering with it. By the way, this is good counsel even if you’re only moderately hungry for closer connection. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): If you live in the United States, your chocolate almost certainly contains insect parts. The Food and Drug Administration understands that the mechanisms involved in making chocolate usually suck small passers-by into the works, which is why it allows manufacturers to include up to 60 bug fragments per 100 grams of chocolate. A lot of basically positive influences have a similar principle at work: Unpalatable ingredients get mixed in with the tasty stuff, but not in such abundance that they taint the experience. This week, Capricorn, you may be unusually tuned in to the unpalatable side of some good things in your life. Don’t overreact. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I went to a literary event in which young poets read their work. One poet, Shelby Hinte, began her segment by talking about what inspires her. "I like to write about women who are more interesting than me," she said. I was full of admiration for that perspective. It suggests she’s cultivating the abundant curiosity and humility that I think are essential to the creative process. As you slip deeper into an extra fertile phase of your personal cycle, Aquarius, I urge you to adopt a similar voracity for influences that surprise and fascinate and educate you. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic," said science-fiction writer Arthur C. Clarke. So in other words, if you were able to time-travel back to medieval England with a laptop computer and a solar-powered battery charger, the natives might regard you as a wizard with supernatural powers. I think there will soon be a similar principle at work in your life, Pisces: You will get a vivid glimpse of amazing things you could accomplish in the future. They may seem fantastic and impossible to the person you are right now—tantamount to magic. Be alert for expanded states of awareness that reveal who you could ultimately become. Homework: Talk about the things you’d do if you lived for a week without consuming any Internet, TV, videos, radio, films, newspapers or magazines. Write: freewillastrology.com.
Go to realastrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text message horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at (877) 873-4888 or (900) 950-7700.