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Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free
::Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
7 min read
ARIES (March 21-April 19) : In the Chinese province of Fujian, there used to be people who believed they could communicate directly with the dead. If they slept on the grave of the person they wished to reach, their dreams during the night might lead to a meeting with the spirit of the departed. I propose that you consider something similar, Aries. Why? Because according to my reading of the astrological omens, you would benefit from communing with your ancestors. If you can’t actually spend the night near their final resting place, find another way to contact them in dreams. Put their photos under your pillow, maybe, or hold one of their beloved objects as you sleep. Halloween costume suggestion: the ancestor whose influence you need most right now. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) : In an exhibition at New York’s Museum of Modern Art, performance artist Marina Abramovic stared into the eyes of a succession of different strangers for 700 hours. Actresses Marisa Tomei and Isabella Rossellini were among those who received her visual probes, as well as 1,400 less famous folks. I think it would be fun for you to do a variation on her ritual, Taurus. In your case, you wouldn’t do it to show off or to prove an artistic point, but rather to get closer to the allies with whom you’d like to develop a deeper bond. Are you up for some deep eye gazing? Halloween costume suggestion: a mystic seer; a god or goddess with a third eye; a superhero whose power is X-ray vision. GEMINI (May 21-June 20) : Have you ever seen the edible fungi known as truffles? They are bulbous, warty clumps. Because they grow underground near trees, specially trained pigs and dogs are needed to sniff out their location. In parts of Europe their taste is so highly prized that they can sell for up to $6,000 per pound. In my opinion, the truffle should be your metaphor of the month this November. I expect that you will be in the hunt for an ugly but delectable treasure, or a homely but valuable resource or some kind of lovable monster. Halloween costume suggestion: a Frankensteinian beauty queen or underwear model, a rhino in a prom dress, a birthday cake made of lunchmeat. CANCER (June 21-July 22) : Don’t try harder, Cancerian; try easier. Don’t turn your focus into a white-hot beam of piercing intensity; relax your focus into a soft-eyed enjoyment of playing around with the possibilities. Don’t tense your sphincter, marshal your warrior ferocity and stir up your righteous anger at how life refuses to conform to your specifications; rather, send waves of tenderness through your body, open your heart to the experiment of blending your energy with life’s unpredictable flow, and marvel at the surprising revelations and invitations that are constantly flowing your way. Halloween costume suggestions: Mr. Smooth, Ms. Velvet, Dr. Groovalicious, DJ Silky. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) : "I wanted to change the world," said writer Aldous Huxley. "But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself." I suggest you adopt that as your operative hypothesis, Leo. Maybe in a few weeks it’ll make sense for you to shower your loved ones with advice and maybe you’ll eventually get re-inspired to save humanity from its foolish ways. But for now your assignment is to fix, refine, and recalibrate your own beautifully imperfect self. Halloween costume suggestion: hermit, anarchist, keeper of a gorgeous diary, do-it-yourself brain surgeon. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) : In last May’s national election, none of Britain’s three political parties got a majority. For a while, the country had no leader. Eventually, the rightwing Conservatives and the leftwing Liberal Democrats formed a weird coalition, making Conservative David Cameron the Prime Minister. Some people had mixed feelings about the deal. "I said it was like a cross between a bulldog and chihuahua," London’s mayor announced, "but what I meant is it will have a fantastic hybrid vigor." I suspect that a certain merger you have in the works, Virgo, could yield similar feelings. Halloween costume suggestion: half-bulldog, half-chihuahua; part hummingbird, part-crocodile; equal mix of Gandhi and Napoleon. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) : Five white tigers at a Chinese wild animal park became way too tame for their own good. Maybe they’d hung around humans too long or their lifestyle was too cushy. Whatever the reason, one of their essential instincts atrophied. A zookeeper put live chickens into their habitats, hoping they would pounce and devour, but instead they retreated as if unnerved. Tigers scared of chickens?! Since then the zoo officials have been taking measures to boost the big cats’ bravado. I bring this to your attention, Libra, because I’m worried you might be headed in the tigers’ direction. Undomesticate thyself! Halloween costume suggestion: a big fierce creature. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) : You could really use your own personal doorman or doorwoman—someone who would accompany you everywhere you go and help you gain entrance through the portals you encounter. In my vision of what you require, this assistant would go further. He or she would find secret camouflaged doors for you, and do the equivalent of uttering Ali Baba’s magic words "Open Sesame!" He or she would even create doors for you, allowing you to penetrate obstacles—going into carpenter mode and fashioning a passageway for you right on the spot. If you can’t find anyone to fulfill this role for you, do it yourself. Halloween costume suggestion: a doorman or doorwoman; a gatekeeper from a fairy tale. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) : Is the highest form of courage embodied in a soldier fighting during a war? Irish poet William Butler Yeats didn’t think so. He said that entering into the abyss of one’s deep self is equally daring. By my astrological reckoning, that will be the location of your greatest heroism in the days ahead. Your most illuminating and productive adventures will be the wrestling matches you have with the convulsive, beautiful darkness you find inside yourself. Halloween costume suggestion: a peaceful warrior. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) : The average spammer sends out 12,414,000 e-mails before snagging the money of just one gullible dupe. You’re not going to have to be quite that prolific in order to get the word out about what you have to offer, but you’ll have to be pretty persistent. Fortunately, to improve your odds and raise your chances of success, all you have to do is purify your intentions. So please check in with your deep self and make sure that your gift or idea or product or service has impeccable integrity. Halloween costume suggestion: a holy salesperson; an angel hawking real estate in paradise; a TV infomercial spokesperson for free cake. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) : Sunlight may smell spicy or musky to you these days. The wind might have a flavor like chocolate liqueur or a ripe peach. The hum of the Earth as it turns may sound like a symphony you heard once in a dream. Your body? Electric. Your soul? Sinewy. In other words, Aquarius magic is afoot. The hills are alive with future memories that taste delicious. Your feet will touch sacred ground far more than usual. Halloween costume suggestion: a character from a film that changed your life for the better. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) : In the middle of the last century, avant-garde filmmaker Kenneth Anger threw a masquerade party called "Come as Your Madness." One of the invited guests was the Piscean writer Anais Nin. She appeared as the ancient fertility goddess Astarte, but with an unexpected wrinkle: She wore a birdcage over her head. This Halloween I urge you to be inspired by Nin’s decision to portray her madness as a goddess, but reject Nin’s decision to cage the head of her mad goddess. Find a disguise that allows you to embody the best and most beautiful part of your craziness, and let it roam free. Homework : Meditate on death not as the end of physical life, but as a metaphor for shedding what’s outworn. In that light, what’s the best death you’ve ever experienced? Freewillastrology.com