Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free::
Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
Ever since Netflix decided to charge us for the "Watch Instantly" feature (which I promptly cancelled—greedy capitalists), I’ve spent a lot more time watching actual DVDs. I’ve also started listening to vinyl and bought a rocking chair for my front porch. Come to think of it, I just had another birthday—maybe I’m getting old.Anyway, one such DVD I watched the other night was Source Code with Jake Gyllenhaal (hate spelling that guy’s name). Nothing special. In a mashup of Avatar and half of the Tony Scott movies ever made (see: Unstoppable , Deja Vu ), pretty boy Jake plays a mutilated soldier whose mind is used as a vessel to stop terrorist explosions from happening. The best thing about the movie is that Jake is sent back into the same situation about ten times, which means we get to see a lot of explosions. And explosions, as we all know, never get old. Unlike me.
Then there’s Everything Must Go with Will Ferrell. Meant to catch this one in theaters, but didn’t for some reason. It purports to be based on Raymond Carver’s short story "Why Don’t You Dance?", but the similarities pretty much stop with the fact that the lead character is an alcoholic who drinks outdoors, which occurs in a lot of Carver’s stories. I’m a big fan of Ray Carver, by the way, which is why I wanted to catch this one in theaters. The basic plot is that Ferrell’s life falls apart because he is an alky, and he ends up camping out on his lawn and drinking Pabst for several days while selling all his old junk. To Hollywood-ize the film, Ferrell meets a couple of quirky-but-inspiring oddballs who make him realize that life is really worth living. That kind of mushy indie crap would not fly in a Ray Carver story. And don’t get me started on all the new-age goofy xylophone music that serves as a "soundtrack." But there are some good one liners:Will Ferrell to a down-on-her-luck inspirational oddball neighbor: “You need to put up some curtains.”Inspirational oddball neighbor: “Why? So I don’t have some drunk staring at me all day?” Ferrell: “No, so you don’t have to look at your future.”Ha. Good one, Will. Moral of the story: Both movies were decent, but given the option I’d recommend sitting on one’s front porch and drinking beer while watching things explode. And playing some vinyl. Preferably something with no xylophones in it.