Alibi V.29 No.5 • Jan 30-Feb 5, 2020 

Sex and the Burque

Ask a drag queen your burning questions in Alibi’s exclusive advice column

I have a serious crush on a family friend. There are so many things about him that are not the bee’s knees. Let's just say his political opinions are Cheeto dust. When I am around him, I catch myself looking at him and wishing he would kiss me. I’m unsure of how he feels about me. Sometimes he's extra flirty and other times he's a brick wall, but he has a girlfriend so none of that really matters. I want to stop crushing on him. Help me. How do I get him off my mind?


Miss TMI
Chastity Belt-Off

Crushes are dangerous. Trust me, I know. I fall in love inside my head at least five times daily. Just know that crushes come and go. We are always drawn to the untouchable, the slightly dangerous, the ones our mamas warned us about. But believe me, it is best to stay away from people who are already spoken for. (Unless they are in a polyamorous relationship, which is a subject for another question.) Remember how you would want to be treated if you were in a relationship and someone came sniffing around your partner. Look for someone you have more in common with, who makes you laugh and who you don't doubt if they have feelings for you or not. Then, proceed to get all the kisses you want.



I am a 58-year-old straight female who, after menopause, lost all sexual drive 13 years ago and have been celibate since. In my brain, I think I would be an overall healthier person if I engaged in sex at some level. However, my body emits no feelings of desire whatsoever. I understand some post-menopausal women take replacement animal hormones (pig, horse) or botanical replacement hormones. The animal ones do not appeal at all and no insurance I know of covers the plant-based. Is it just "goodbye" forever for sex? … I don't have any other health issues; in fact, I am in great health and physically fit (have been my whole life so far).

Pause Button

First off, let me say thank you for sharing such a vulnerable and personal question with me. My first suggestion would be to speak to a doctor that you trust about this, if you have not already. They may have medical suggestions to help. I am not a doctor, I am just a sassy drag queen; but on that note, here is my advice for you. Remember that intimacy can be expressed in many different ways. You may want to start slowly introducing things to try and explore. As you begin, keep the lines of communication open with your partner. Express your concerns and fears. Let them know what feels good and what doesn't. This may also be a time to try something out that you haven't done before. Dirty talk has always helped me get in the mood. Try it out! Sex is more than just our genitals. Our entire bodies are pleasure centers. Being creative and exploring the options can lead to rewarding encounters.

Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center has many great classes to help you discover and connect with these options. They have classes for couples and singles and are wonderfully informative regarding all of their products and services. Tell them Chastity sent you!

Hope this helps,


Isn't it time to move beyond the “old and stale” form of drag?

We've had years, indeed decades, of female impersonators often relying on the same tired performance props of oversize breasts, overdone makeup and sexist names like “Pussy Galore”—all bordering on a misogyny that flaunts some of the worst stereotypes of women. So what is the draw / the high in the 21st century for not doing something new and creative, like impersonating plants or animals instead of vagina envy?

Bored With The Scene

My first question would be, have you been out to see a drag show lately? Drag is a way for every performer to play with the concepts and stereotypes of gender. It has always been a very political art form and a rebellious one and is always evolving. The range of performing performers covers the entire gender binary and is not limited to female impersonators. A lot of us don't even like to use that term. Drag is way for us to express different aspects of ourselves. I can not speak for everyone, but becoming Chastity has allowed me to explore and discover those sides of my personality that society would label as feminine. Being Chastity has literally saved my life. She has given me the courage and confidence to try and say things that I haven't been able to in my muggle life. I celebrate that side of me. And because it is performance, it is larger than life and heightened. To me this is not misogynistic. It comes from a place of love and respect. I cannot speak for other queens, but this is why I do what I do. Go catch a local drag show. You may just be surprised.


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