Derby Wars: Muñecas Clobbered In Season Opener

Muñecas Clobbered In Season Opener

Casey Purcella
5 min read
Barbarous Beginnings
(Casey Purcella)
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The Duke City Derby put on a show for a healthy crowd that nearly filled the Convention Center on Saturday, May 15. All five teams— DoomsDames, Ho-Bots, Derby Intelligence Agency, travel team Muñecas Muertas and newcomers the Taos Whiplashes—showed their stuff. Still, the visiting Denver Roller Dolls put together the most impressive performance with a merciless 262-48 victory over the Muñecas.

Albuquerque’s jammers had almost no success weaving through the pack of Denver blockers, and the Muñecas blockers could do little to contain the Roller Dolls. While the match was close early on, Denver took advantage of penalties and raced to a 46-2 lead; the Muñecas’ best efforts did little to put them back in the game. At one point, jammer Meep Meep spent nearly an entire jam in the pack, acting as a blocker. In the end, not even the extra defensive help could save the Muñecas from a thorough defeat.

After the game, Meep Meep told the
Alibi that the loss was demoralizing, but the team is still training players. “Right now, we’re coaching a lot of new talent.” She said the match showed her things she needed to work on. “I want to be able to stop the other jammer,” Meep Meep said, adding that it will allow her to score points more effectively.

“Our jammers are patient," explained Denver Roller Dolls skater Monica Carson, and this allows them to find holes to slip through. In addition, she said Denver’s blockers were successful in controlling the pack. However, while there was a massive gap in scoring between the two teams, she said there was not a similar divide in intensity. “We expected a fight; they didn’t lay down.”

The evening also featured four other bouts between Duke City Derby teams, starting with an introductory match between the brand-new Taos Whiplashes and a specially assembled Fresh Meat/Tofu team of Duke City Derby players. The match was replete with the usual freshman mistakes—spills and penalties were frequent, and the Fresh Meat/Tofu team, which came away with a 77-53 victory, had to be reminded to take a victory lap after the bout ended.

Taos put together a promising start to the bout, as jammer Eve-viction displayed her superior speed by darting through the pack moments after her first jam had started, but Taos jammers went to the penalty box twice during the match, allowing Fresh Meat/Tofu a pair of unimpeded scoring opportunities.

Whiplashes skater Jersey Sore cited the penalties against Taos as a major contributor to their demise. “We’re a better team,” she said, but the two penalties against Whiplashes jammers were too much to overcome.

Following the featured battle between the Muñecas Muertas and Denver Roller Dolls were a trio of 20-minute exhibition matches between Duke City Derby’s three stalwart squads.

The DoomsDames won a low-scoring match against the Ho-Bots, taking a 25-4 lead and holding on to win 29-19. In the final jam, Ho-Bots jammer Brutalitaur zipped around the track for five quick points before choosing to end the jam, but the game’s time period had already expired, preventing a further comeback.

Whiplashes skater Creme Bruisee, who also played for the DoomsDames during the exhibition matches, said they were able to win by successfully stopping the Ho-Bots’ jammers. “They’ve got two really powerful jammers,” she said.

In the second match, the Ho-Bots got right back on the track and took advantage of penalties and blocking skill to beat the Derby Intelligence Agency 31-18. With two DIA skaters in the penalty box and another recovering from a push out of bounds, Ho-Bots jammer Tronsexual evened the score at 12, and they extended their lead as their blockers stopped inexperienced DIA jammer Justin Beaver. With the match winding down and Ho-Bots jammer Cheryl of Nine in the penalty box, Ho-Bots blocker Brutalitaur prevented a DIA comeback by planting herself in front of jammer Elvira Mental for nearly an entire lap.

As the crowd thinned and the night lengthened, Duke City Derby’s hardiest and most devoted fans watched as DoomsDames jammer 67 Stitchez scored 25 points in a single jam against a DIA team with two players watching from the penalty box, leading her team to a 71-17 win. DIA captain Carson B. Demented was surprised that her team went winless, saying she thought the squad’s decision not to borrow players from the Taos Whiplashes would result in a stronger roster. “I thought their rosters would be watered down,” Carson B. Demented said. “We got so many penalties. We have a lot to work on.”
Barbarous Beginnings

Casey Purcella

Barbarous Beginnings

Casey Purcella

Barbarous Beginnings

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