Now here’s a random one for you. Surf over to easytomiss.org/trail_map and find the Double Eagle Trail. It’s that isolated green stretch on the northwest edge of the map. This trail is hard to find and not conveniently linked to any major bike thoroughfares. But, if you’re packing a reasonably sized set of huevos and a soupçon of wherewithal, there’s a great ride to be ridden out there. You can approach the trail on westbound Montaño or via my preferred route, northbound Unser. The Unser trail gets pretty awkward near the end, merging with the asphalt of the autobahn and narrowing perilously just as it launches into a punishing uphill slope. You can handle it. Huevos. Just north of Montaño on Unser, turn left on Molten Rock Road and ride into a fugly residential development. Find the gap in the southern boundary fence, lift your bike up and over the patch of goathead-studded sand, and enjoy a surge of triumph as your tires kiss that sweet bike-only macadam. I made this map to help you get there: bit.ly/dabGsY. Once you’ve endured the inevitable moil and confusion of locating the trail, your reward is several miles’ worth of blessed solitude. Ah! Truly it does swell one’s heart with felicity, it pours a soothing balm upon one’s troubled soul, to pilot a well-oiled velocipede down a remote high-desert path, gazing upon ancient volcanoes to the west, and to the east, one’s tenderly beloved hometown spread upon the apron of a vast valley floor, the poignantly familiar silhouette of the Sandia range just beyond it, jutting into the impossibly vivid gradient blue of the morning sky, whilst one’s iPod earbuds blare ultra-hi-decibel Wu-Tang directly into one’s thalamus. Real millionaire shit.
Biciclistas Burqueños, it’s klatch o’klock at alibi.com. In the comments section of this article, I want to hear about your least favorite Burque bike route. Mine? Coors! Who in her right mind would place her two wheels topped with tender flesh upon the same pavement as an automotive army of accelerator-stomping Westside jerks swarming between the sidewalkless stucco shitscapes they call neighborhoods and the Cottonwood Mall branch of Auntie Anne’s? Find the city planner who approved this harrowing bike lane of nightmares and stone him to death against the faux-limestone exterior of the now defunct Whisqué Mesquite Grill and Bar.
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author. Betty Sprocket, professor emeritus of the Skinny Tires Department of the University of New Bikexico, is here to lecture you about Albuquerque's many magnificent bike trails. You'll learn about a new one each week, so please take notes and do remember to do your homework: Get out there and ride.