Odds & Ends

Odds & Ends

Devin D. O'Leary
5 min read
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Dateline: Denmark

Archaeologists in the Danish city of Odense, birthplace of writer Hans Christian Andersen, have uncovered a Medieval treasure trove—700-year-old barrels of poop. According to the
Copenhagen Post, the discovery was part of the largest urban archaeological excavation in Danish history. Brick buildings, half-timbered houses and stables dating back to the 1300s have been discovered. But it’s the ancient public toilets that are getting the most attention. The wooden, excrement-filled barrels are said to be in “excellent condition.”Archaeologist-in-charge Maria Elisabeth Lauridsen told Discovery News, “We’re talking about 700-year-old latrines. And yes, they still smell bad.” So what has been learned from the 14th-century loo? “Preliminary results of analysis show that raspberries were popular in Odense in the 1300s,” said Lauridsen. “The contents also contain small pieces of moss, leather and fabric which were used as toilet paper.” Free tours of the site are available on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Dateline: England

A teenager became stuck in a storm drain and had to be rescued by firefighters after dropping her cell phone in the drain. According to the UK’s
Metro newspaper, 22-year-old Tim Richards was driving home in the town of Dover when he spotted 16-year-old Ella Birchenough jammed into a storm drain up to her waist. “It’s not the type of thing you see every day,” Richards told the paper. “It was pretty weird. She was more concerned about getting her phone back rather than getting herself out of the drain.” Birchenough said she dropped her iPhone 5 into the drain while walking and talking. She tried to fish it out herself and ended up getting her legs wedged. “The drain was no more than a foot-and-a-half both ways. How she thought she was going to get her phone, I have no idea,” Richards said. “We tried to pull her out a couple of times, but it wasn’t happening.” Birchenough’s mother, who was walking with her at the time, called emergency services—then started taking pictures of the incident. Birchenough was eventually removed from the drain unscathed, but the phone was reportedly a lost cause. “When they pulled me out I ran straight home and jumped in the bath,” the soiled teen told KentOnline. “I think it was just water, but I wasn’t taking any chances.”

Dateline: Germany

A woman fired as the face of the German far-right party because she was a porn star has now been banned from the adult film industry—because she’s a neo-Nazi. Ina Groll, who acts under the name “Kitty Blair,” was hired to be part of a high-profile campaign by the National Democratic Party of Germany. NDP bills itself as Germany’s “only significant patriotic force” and is widely perceived as a neo-Nazi organization. Groll helped the organization recruit young men by posing for posters and standing outside polling stations dressed in revealing outfits. That gig came to an end when party officials watched Groll’s latest film,
Kitty Discovers Sperm. It is unclear whether the NDP knew about Groll’s pornographic alter ego to start with or if her latest film—in which she has sexual relations with a black man—was the breaking point. Once the information became public, however, a Facebook page was set up to oust Groll from the party. “Those who sell their body for money and disgrace their race have no place in our party,” wrote one contributor. After several high-level meetings, the NDP decided to sack Groll. Adding insult to injury, Groll has now been booted from the German porn industry because of her political ties. John Thompson, boss of the Berlin porn company GGG, told London’s Daily Mail that there has been a unanimous decision to boycott the blonde actress. “In the porn film industry, we welcome participants with all skin colors, and all nationalities, but we don’t welcome Nazis.”

Dateline: Ukraine

Darth Vader has entered the race for president of the Ukraine. The Dark Lord of the Sith has been chosen as a candidate by the Ukrainian Internet Party. “After winning intra-party primaries by a landslide, comrade Vader will be our party’s candidate,” announced UIP leader Dmitry Golubov. The party, founded in Odessa in 2007, hopes to create the world’s first “government by internet” by abolishing paper-based bureaucracy. The black-helmeted figure of Vader has become a common sight at protests in Kiev against the country’s previous president Viktor Yanukovych. In a statement released by UIP, Vader said he wanted to restore the glory of Ukraine’s past. “I alone can make an empire out of a republic, to restore former glory, to return lost territories and pride of this country,” said the statement in part.

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.

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