Odds & Ends

Odds & Ends

Devin D. O'Leary
4 min read
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Dateline: Texas

Is it possible that stinking rich real estate heir Robert Durst is involved in a secret competition to become the evilest man on Earth? The 71-year-old multimillionaire, who admitted to killing his neighbor 10 years ago, is facing new charges after allegedly peeing on some delicious candy. The
Houston Chronicle reports Durst was arrested on Sunday, July 20, on charges of criminal mischief after he was spotted urinating on 108 candy bars at a CVS pharmacy. The candy was valued at $150.96. According to the affidavit, Durst “did not seem agitated or argue with the clerk” before whipping out his Pixie Stick and sprinkling the store’s candy display and cash register. “He casually walked out of the business after he was done urinating,” said the affidavit. Durst’s family runs a privately held, billion-dollar real estate company that owns several skyscrapers in New York City. In 2001 Durst was arrested as a fugitive and admitted to killing his neighbor and dumping the body in Galveston Bay. He claimed self-defense and was later acquitted of homicide charges.

Dateline: Florida

Police in Bonita Springs are looking for three naked men who stole 60 hamburgers, three pounds of bacon, three red peppers and a paddleboard from a local restaurant. Security cameras caught the bandits stealing beef in the buff from Doc’s Beach House restaurant around 3am on July 20. Two of the men were completely naked. One was wearing only a pair of boxer-briefs. After spotting the restaurant’s security cameras, two of the thieves attempted—unsuccessfully—to hide their faces and genitals. The thieves are described as “college aged” and “athletic.” Restaurant manager Lou Bangert told the
News-Press in Fort Myers that his waitresses are waiting for the naked burglars to return. “These two want to meet the bandits,” Bangert said of his waitresses. “Everybody wants to work the night shift now.” Police are unsure if the men are locals or tourists, but expect them to be identified soon thanks to publicity over the case.

Dateline: Florida

A former pharmacist serving house arrest for illegally selling oxycodone asked a judge to nullify the rest of his sentence—because he’s too fat to leave the house anyway. Steven Goodman of Treasure Island near St. Petersburg was sentenced to 30 months of house arrest for supplying more than one million oxycodone tablets to “pain management” clinics that distributed the pills illegally. According to the
Orlando Sentinel, the 70-year-old inmate weighs 551 pounds, has severe heart problems, sleep apnea and an incurable disease of the lymph system. “Each day may be one of his last,” Goodman’s attorney, Edward Page, wrote in his 10-page request. In denying that request, US District Judge Kenneth Marra noted the “defendant was spared a prison sentence, not as a favor to him, but in order to spare the Bureau of Prisons the burden of having to care for him.” Marra said in his ruling that, in prison, Goodman would be unable to dress or bathe himself and would have access to unlimited prison food. “If defendant’s health and obesity effectively confines him to his home, then continuation of that restriction will not adversely affect him,” Marra concluded.

Dateline: Colorado

This should go without saying, but apparently not: If you’re going to rob a bank, don’t do it wearing a shirt with your name on it. According to court records, 68-year-old John David Martinez was wearing a black t-shirt with his name embroidered on it when he entered the Wells Fargo bank on W. 38th Ave. in Denver on July 22. Martinez told the teller, “This is a robbery, give me the money.” After leaving the bank, Martinez climbed into his own silver Honda, which was spotted in the parking lot. Investigators were able to pull up Martinez’ DMV photo based on the car’s license plate. Tellers identified the image as belonging to the man who robbed the bank. According to 7News Denver, local police and the FBI spent less than five hours investigating the case before arresting Martinez at a nearby Ramada Inn. Martinez waived his right to remain silent and confessed to stealing the money.

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.

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