Odds & Ends

Odds & Ends

Devin D. O'Leary
4 min read
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Dateline: Scotland

The UK’s
Telegraph newspaper reports an elected official who oversaw public toilet closures has been caught urinating in the street. Jackie Burns, the deputy leader of South Lanarkshire Council in Scotland, announced public funding cuts for public toilets earlier this year. The loo closure, spurred by government budget cuts, was vehemently opposed by many residents of the south central Scottish district. A community council-led petition to keep the public restrooms drew more than 3,000 signatures. Despite local objection, the toilets were shut down on June 30. Earlier this month, the politician who led the closure drive was arrested for taking a leak near a public taxi stand in Hamilton town center. “I was in a taxi rank at the Bottom Cross in Hamilton and needed the toilet. I went down a lane to relieve myself and was approached by police who gave me a £40 fine, which I have duly paid,” Burns told the Telegraph. “I am embarrassed by the incident and have apologized.” Burns’ bathroom-free pee cost him about $60.

Dateline: New York

A Bushwick woman has started a rent-a-mom service for stressed out twentysomethings in need of motherly advice. Nina Keneally launched her Need a Mom company earlier this month aimed at people who want a “short-term, temporary mom.” For $40 an hour, Kineally offers cooking, ironing, a shoulder to cry on and other motherly services. According to
The Daily Beast, Keneally has several regular clients, including one who just needed help cleaning out her closet and one who was recuperating from neck surgery. Keneally worked for eight years as a substance abuse counselor in a methadone clinic and raised two sons of her own, now 31 and 27. The business owner says her phone has been ringing off the hook since she started it—although most of the calls have been from media outlets wanting to talk to her, foreign investors hoping to start a franchise and “at least 10 different talent and production agencies” looking to develop a reality show.

Dateline: Florida

According to an investigation by the Pinellas Country Sheriff’s Department, a Florida deputy got too wasted to accept a Mothers Against Drunk Driving award. Deputy Michael Szeliga was scheduled to receive a MADD award in July for making more than 100 DUI arrests. According to internal investigation documents obtained by WFLA, Gulfport Police Chief Robert Vincent saw Szeliga staggering outside the awards venue and told the deputy he was too drunk to go inside. “I said, ‘You don’t want to embarrass the sheriff here. That’s probably not too wise,’” Vincent told ABC Action News. “Apparently he did.” Szeliga allegedly responded to Vincent’s warning with “disrespectful” comments. Vincent informed the deputy’s supervisors, who ordered him back to his hotel room. He never received the award. Szeliga was not charged with a crime, but he did face a day of paid suspension last month and was forced to write a letter of apology to Chief Vincent. Pinellas County Sheriff Bob Gualtieri told WFLA that Szeliga was a good deputy, but did acknowledge the irony of the situation, telling the station, “When I first heard about it, that was [what] my reaction was: Come on, you’ve got to be kidding me. Really?”

Dateline: Pennsylvania

An Oakland Raiders player could face up to seven years in jail for allegedly barking at a dog. Linebacker Ray-Ray Armstrong was in Pittsburgh on Sunday, Nov. 8, for a game against the Pittsburgh Steelers at Heinz Field. According to the Allegheny County Sheriff’s Office, Armstrong was in a stadium tunnel between the visiting locker room and the field while police swept the area for explosives prior to the game. Armstrong allegedly lifted his shirt, pounded on his chest and began barking at a K-9 officer named Bandit. “The player was leaving the locker room, en route to the field, when he engaged in conduct that was very intimidating and threatening,” Chief Deputy Kevin Kraus told WVAE. Taunting a police dog is a third-degree felony under Pennsylvania law. The sheriff’s office and the NFL are investigating. Oakland coach Jack Del Rio appeared dismissive of the allegations, telling SiriusXM NFL Radio, “I’ve caught wind of this story. I’m going to have to put it in the ‘silly’ category.”

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.

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