Odds & Ends

Odds & Ends

Devin D. O'Leary
4 min read
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Dateline: Indonesia

A fisherman on a remote Indonesian island found what he believed to be a fallen angel floating naked in the sea. The Heavenly gift was taken back to the fisherman’s village and worshipped for several days before local officials pointed out that it was just a blow-up sex doll. Police went to the Banggai islands in Sulawesi province after hearing rumors that a “bidadari,” or holy spirit, had fallen from the sky and been discovered by a fisherman called Pardin. The alleged angel was taken back to Kalupapi village where Pardin lived. The fisherman posted several pictures online of the green-eyed, pale-skinned female figure dressed in a spare hijab that his mother took with her on boat trips. It was pointed out in local media that the figure appeared a day after a rare solar eclipse, which is a deeply spiritual event in Southeast Asia. “We were hearing many stories, such as that the ‘fallen angel’ was crying when she was discovered,” police chief Heru Pramukarno told the AFP news agency. “When our officers arrived they saw that the ‘fallen angel’ was just a doll. It was a sex toy.” Pramukarno surmised the villagers had no idea what the inflatable rubber woman was intended to be used for. “They have no internet. They don’t know what a sex toy is,” the chief said. Officers confiscated the doll in case its presence caused unrest among the villagers.

Dateline: Israel

According to the
Times of Israel a Jewish man has petitioned the Haifa Magistrate’s Court for a restraining order against God. The petitioner, identified as David Shoshan, argued that over a three-year period God had been particularly unkind to him—although details of exactly what God had done were not detailed in court documents. Shoshan said he had tried for the last three years to obtain a restraining order from police. Despite the fact that Haifa police sent patrol cars to his home on 10 occasions, God evidently did not stay away, forcing Shoshan into court to prevent the Almighty from meddling in earthly affairs. Presiding Judge Ahsan Canaan denied the plaintiff’s request, saying it was “ludicrous.” Documents from the court hearing did note that God himself did not appear in person at the session.

Dateline: Pennsylvania

“Jesus” was arrested in a Philadelphia Apple store after his cross blocked the aisles. Michael Grant, better known as “Philly Jesus,” has become a cultural icon for wearing a robe, dispensing Bible quotes and posing for photos in Philadelphia. According to WCAU-TV, the 29-year-old also performs baptisms in city fountains for tourists. Police say the manager of the Apple store in Center City called them on the night of Monday, May 2, after Grant refused to leave despite being asked multiple times. “This country was built on freedom of religion, and I can go into a public place and be dressed as whoever I want and express myself however I want,” Grant later told WCAU. “The same way an African-American human being in the 1960s would be singled out in a white only store and asked to leave, I ‘Philly Jesus’ was singled out in the Apple Store because of my visual faith I portray—dressing up like Jesus and holding my cross.” Witnesses say Philly Jesus’ full-sized crucifixion cross was blocking an aisle. He was handcuffed and arrested for defiant trespassing and disorderly conduct. Philly Jesus spent 12 hours in jail before being released.

Dateline: Texas

A Houston elementary is being scrutinized after a 7-year-old girl used a fake note to excuse herself from an after-school program. The crudely written note read: “I want Rosabella to go too dus 131 today.” Despite the obvious forgery, Rosabella Dahu was allowed to board the bus and go home instead of sticking around for her regular after-school program at Sheldon Elementary. Her parents weren’t at home and the child spent several hours alone outside the locked house before asking neighbors to use their bathroom. The neighbors ended up calling Rosabella’s father, Charlie Dahu. Mr. Dahu expressed his shock to KTRK-13 Eyewitness News in Houston, saying, “You can clearly see she did not even spell the word ‘bus’ right.” A spokesperson for the Sheldon Independent School District said they are “currently investigating the situation” and are “reviewing our training procedures to ensure that our after-school grant program staff is properly trained in dismissal procedures.”

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.

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