Odds & Ends

Odds & Ends

Devin D. O'Leary
5 min read
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Dateline: England

Workers at an animal shelter on the island of Guernsey were surprised and relieved after a “dead cat” brought in by a local resident turned out to be a dirty hand puppet. According to the Guernsey Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, a “very upset member of the public” brought what was believed to be a dead cat wrapped in a blanket in a box after hours. The manager on duty told the person to take a seat and went to examine the body for any identification or a microchip. Upon examination, however, the dead cat turned out to be an equally lifeless hand puppet—of a dog, no less. The black and white puppet was washed and all is well—or as the GSPCA put it on the group’s Facebook page, “dead wet muddy insect-covered cat arrives at GSPCA is revived to a fit & well dog despite a nose injury.” Anyone in Guernsey missing a dog puppet is encouraged to contact the GSPCA. On its website, the society went on to cite several other emergencies it has faced that turned out to be otherwise, including “an injured crow was a black bag,” “a hedgehog rescue once turned out to be a pine cone,” “a call to a sick seal on a beach was in fact a duvet,” and “also a possible dead dog on a beach was another duvet.”

Dateline: The Netherlands

Meanwhile, in Amsterdam, police kicked down the door of an apartment to rescue a woman who turned out to be an inflatable sex doll. Amsterdam Police said in a Facebook post officers were called to the dwelling by neighbors who reported looking into the apartment’s window and seeing a woman standing motionless for a long period of time. Officers spotted the woman, dressed only in her underwear, standing at the window and not moving despite them ringing the doorbell and knocking on the door. Officers eventually broke through the door and “indeed found a lifeless woman,” but she was “made of plastic and filled with air.” According to Amsterdam’s
De Telegraaf newspaper, officers moved the blow-up doll away from the window to prevent further confusion. It was unclear if police actually contacted the resident of the apartment regarding the sex toy.

Dateline: Washington, D.C.

A man under house arrest for gun possession had the perfect alibi when police quizzed him about a murder—he was at home at the time, and his court-ordered ankle monitor proved it. Unfortunately, investigators soon discovered that the man’s ankle monitor had been attached to his prosthetic leg. According to authorities, 44-year-old Quincy Green swapped out his prosthetic leg and its attached GPS monitor for a spare limb and left the residence on May 19 to shoot Dana Hamilton. According to the
Washington Post, Green was ordered confined to his home in April while awaiting trial on gun possession charges. For reasons still being investigated by authorities, a privately contracted technican placed the GPS monitor on Green’s prosthetic limb. A witness identified Green as the shooter in the May 19 incident, but detectives checked with the city’s Pretrial Services Agency and learned that Green hadn’t left his house in days. Investigators viewed camera footage from the area near the shooting and spotted a gunman with an obvious limp. A police search of Green’s home turned up a box in his living room containing his artificial leg with the tracking device still attached to the ankle. A spokesperson for California-based Sentinel Services, which sent the technician to attach Green’s monitor, said the technician did not notice Green’s leg was fake, telling the Post, “We believe it was absolutely human error.” Green has now been charged with second-degree murder.

Dateline: Texas

The mayor of White Settlement, Texas, is blaming an anti-cat City Council for evicting a beloved feline from the local library. The White Settlement City Council voted 2-1 at a June 14 meeting to give the White Settlement Public Library 30 days to find new how for Browser, the former shelter cat that has lived at the public facility for about six years. “This is not just a cat, it’s like a family pet,” former Councilman Alan Price told the
Grizzly Detail newspaper. The former councilman went on to say that supporters “will petition for an election if we need to—we’ll take this to November.” Mayor Ron White described Browser’s eviction as petty retaliation for a city employee who was not allowed to keep a puppy at City Hall. “We’ve had that cat five years, and there’s never been a question,” White told the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. “That cat doesn’t hurt anybody. … The Council just went out and did this on their own because they don’t like cats.” White said he will call for the Council to reconsider its decision at an upcoming meeting. Browser has his own Facebook page and, according to the Grizzly Detail, received “an outpouring of support” at the last meeting.

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.

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