Dateline: NorwayA famous black metal musician just won an election for his local Town Council—and he’s not too happy about it. Gylve “Fenriz” Nagell, a drummer for the influential black metal band Darkthrone, was signed up to run for Council in Kolbotn, a suburb of Oslo, as a joke. He agreed to stay on the reserve list, however, and did his best not to win. “My campaign was a picture of me holding a cat saying, ‘Please don’t vote for me’,” Fenriz told the Clrvynt website. Unfortunately, the picture of Nagell and his cat, named Peanut Butter, resonated with voters. He will now have to serve as a backup member of the council for two years. “Basically, I have to step in when the usual people who go to the big meetings are sick or something,” Nagell told Clrvynt. “Then I have to go sit there and feel stupid among the straight people.”Dateline: ColoradoA pet owner was called to come rescue her canine at doggie daycare after the animal ate a bag of heroin. Denver police confirmed officers were chasing a drug-dealing suspect on Tuesday, Sept. 13, near the Bark & Play Doggie Daycare and Boarding when an officer spotted the man throwing something over the business’ fence. Garrett Bishop, owner of Bark & Play, told KMGH-TV that the something was nearly 20 bags of heroin. “All in all, 17 baggies were found in our playroom,” said Bishop. “Not including the five that the guy tried to swallow.” At least one of the bags was gobbled up by Charlie, a female golden retriever. “You can’t process that your dog ate heroin,” said Charlie’s owner. The concerned owner, identified only as Laura, got a call from the kennel saying Charlie was “high on heroin.” Workers said, “We’re treating her, but you need to come as soon as you can.” The daycare took Charlie to a veterinarian, who treated her with charcoal and the heroin antidote Narcan. Laura said Charlie is recovering, but, “she still has no energy.” The Denver Police Department said its Victim Assistance Unit is working to reimburse Laura for her vet bill, which totaled more than $500. Police said the suspect was taken into custody and will face drug-related charges.Dateline: Washington D.C.A Maryland woman was arrested for a brazen daylight robbery after she stole three entire French fries from an officer of the law. The crime went down in the nation’s capitol around 9:45pm on Wednesday, Sept. 7, at the Italian Pizza Kitchen on U Street. A woman allegedly sat down next to a police officer and tried to start a conversation, an MPD source told WUSA-9. The source said the woman then reached down and took a French fry from the officer’s plate as he was eating. The officer asked the woman to stop, but she took another. The police officer asked the woman to stop a second time, warning her that she was engaging in theft and could be arrested. The woman proceeded to snatch a third fry, at which point the officer arrested her. In the police report, property stolen was listed as “French fried potato” with a quantity of “three.” The unnamed woman was charged with second-degree theft.Dateline: KansasA 70-year-old man robbed a bank because he’d “rather be in jail than at home” with his wife. On the afternoon of Friday, Sept. 2, Larry Ripple of Kansas City entered the Bank of Labor and handed an employee a note saying, “I have a gun, give me money.” The teller handed over $2,924 in cash. Instead of fleeing the scene of the crime, however, Ripple took a seat in the lobby of the bank and waited for authorities. When a security guard approached him, Ripple allegedly said, “I’m the guy you’re looking for.” The guard recovered the money and called the police and FBI. Ripple was taken to Wyandotte County Jail and charged with one federal count of bank robbery. An affidavit signed by FBI Special Agent Eric R. Beltz shines some light on Mr. Ripple’s unusually short crime spree, saying that “[Ripple] and his wife had an argument at home and [he] no longer wanted to be in the situation. Ripple wrote out his demand note in front of his wife and told her he’d rather be in jail than at home. Ripple then walked to the bank and robbed it.” Ripple was released from jail after appearing before a US Magistrate Judge. It is unknown if he went back home to his wife or not.
Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.
