Odds & Ends

Odds & Ends

Devin D. O'Leary
4 min read
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Dateline: Australia

A concerned beachgoer found what he believed to be a breast implant floating in the surf off the Sunshine Coast. Thinking it might be evidence of a murder, the man bagged the “circular object” and brought it to the nearest police station. “Officers at Maroochydore Station were all hands on deck when, much to their initial alarm, a concerned citizen attended the counter to report a possible homicide,” police said. “The man was concerned it was a prosthetic implant from someone who may have been murdered or drowned.” Officers inspected the mysterious blob and concluded no murder had taken place. “Investigations revealed what police suspected. … The item was indeed a jellyfish!” the department announced on its website. Colin Sparkes, from Surf Life Saving Queensland, told the BBC the boob-like sea creature was most likely a blubber jellyfish, common to the waters around Queensland.

Dateline: Canada

The smallest police force on Prince Edward Island is threatening to punish drunk drivers with Nickelback. On Sunday, Nov. 27, Kensington Police Services posted a message on its Facebook page, warning drunk drivers arrested over the holiday season that, “on top of a hefty fine, a criminal charge and a year’s driving suspension, we will also provide you with a bonus gift of playing the office’s copy of Nickelback in the cruiser on the way to jail.” The tongue-in-cheek post warned potential lawbreakers that, “if you are foolish enough to get behind the wheel after drinking, then a little Chad Kroeger and the boys is a perfect gift for you.” The post was accompanied by a photograph of an unopened cassette copy of the band’s 2001 album
Silver Side Up. The post went on to inform local drivers, “Please, let’s not ruin a perfectly good unopened copy of Nickelback. You don’t drink and drive and we won’t make you listen to it.”

Dateline: Oregon

In other musical crimes against humanity,
The Oregonian, reporting on the police blotter for the Forest Grove Police Department, notes that an annoying rendition of “Closing Time” lead to an altercation in the tiny farm community 25 miles west of Portland. According to the local police department blotter, a “verbal altercation” occurred on the night of Saturday, Nov. 26, when a woman allegedly told a “jackass guy” to “shut up” after he obnoxiously whistled the song “Closing Time” by the band Semisonic near her driveway. “It’s not clear if the caller would have been more or less upset if it was a different genre or whether it was just the talent lacking in the whistling,” Captain Mike Herb of the Forest Grove Police Department told time.com. Police responded to the woman’s call, but by the time they got there, the whistler had moved on. Police eventually tracked the man down, and he was apparently still whistling “Closing Time.” No arrests were made, and the man “whistled his way back home.”

Dateline: California

Los Angeles Times is reporting that an “oddly persistent” vandal spent six hours trashing a single car parked in Koreatown over Thanksgiving while bystanders watched. Stacy Omelianoff told KCBS she left her Buick Lucerne parked in front of a friend’s apartment on Thanksgiving before heading off to a holiday celebration in Chino. The black sedan soon attracted the attention of a homeless woman, who ripped off one of the car’s windshield wipers and proceeded to use the implement to carve letter and scribbles into the car’s paint. She then picked up a metal pipe and a piece of wood and used them to “scratch, smash and graffiti” the doors, hood and roof of the car. The woman was also seen walking on the roof and jumping up and down on the hood of the vehicle. The tires were eventually flattened and the front grill yanked off. A security camera on a nearby apartment captured the entire attack. Several people in the neighborhood witnessed the lengthy attack, but did nothing. “They would come by, stop, back up, take pictures, video, and just take off,” Omelianoff told KCBS. The driver didn’t discover the damage to her vehicle until the next day when she was notified by the LAPD. The homeless woman was eventually arrested and taken in for mental evaluation after a witness called police.

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.

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