Odds & Ends

Odds & Ends

Joshua Lee
5 min read
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Dateline: Minnesota

man was arrested after throwing a methamphetamine-fueled “death party” for his dying wife. The Free Press in Mankato, Minn., reports Duane Arden Johnson called 911 last week and told a dispatcher that his wife was dead in their home. When police arrived at the man’s home, they reportedly found the words “Death Parde God Hell” spray-painted on the front door. They were met on the lawn by Johnson, who had removed his clothes and immediately retreated back into the house. According to police reports, the body of the man’s wife, Debra Johnson, had been wrapped in a sheet. Johnson was found in the bathtub by police, allegedly attempting to clean white and black “things” from his skin. He told police that his wife did not want to die in a nursing home and had begged him to remove her from care. He said for her last days, they decided to celebrate with a “death party.” She allegedly stopped taking her medication and they spent their time “rocking out” to Quiet Riot’s “Metal Health,” according to Johnson. After she died, he claimed he washed her body and wrapped it in linen “like the Bible told me to do.” Officers found four rifles, two shotguns and hundreds of rounds of ammunition in the house. Johnson was arrested and charged with felony counts of theft and receiving stolen property.

Dateline: Florida

An elementary school has introduced a vending machine that dispenses books instead of snacks. According to
CNN, Umatilla Elementary School held a pep rally last week to unveil the new machine as part of the state’s literacy week. When a student behaves well or does well on an assignment, they are rewarded with “Bulldog Bucks.” These tokens can be taken to the school’s media specialist, Susan Caldwell, who will trade the Bucks in for coins which can be used at the machine. Caldwell came up with the idea after seeing a Facebook post about a school in Buffalo, N.Y., that adopted a similar program. The books “cost” 50 cents and feature a variety of reading levels. They were donated to and purchased by the school. School officials say they wish to keep the machine installed permanently and are looking to partner with local businesses for future donations.

Dateline: Missouri

Police in Missouri asked local criminals to take a break from crime because it was too cold. Last week the Warrensburg Police Department in Warrensburg, Mo., made a
Facebook post with a special request for the city’s criminals. “So … we are asking a favor (at least for the next three days); can you keep the criminalling to a minimum? It is REALLY cold out … do yourself (and us) a favor … stay inside. Be nice to each other, watch reruns of “Say Yes to the Dress” (we hear from the firefighters that it’s a really good show). Mmmmkay, thanks!” The request was made as the city was being overtaken by a powerful winter storm. According to the Associated Press, the polar vortex ravaged the Midwest and Northeast last week, breaking record lows in some cities. In Missouri, wind chills as low as -40 degrees were reported. The National Weather Service warns that frostbite can occur within 15 minutes in wind chills of -25 degrees.

Dateline: Germany

A sausage-themed hotel catering to meat-lovers has opened in Germany. Reuters reports the Boebel Bratwurst Bed and Breakfast, a seven-room hotel in Rittersbach, Germany, was opened by butcher Claus Boebel with the hopes of making his bratwurst “attractive for the whole world.” Rooms are decorated with sausage-adorned wallpaper, sausage-shaped pillows, bratwurst hanging from the ceiling and sausage-shaped soaps. Room numbers are printed on butcher knives. Room and board covers breakfast from the “Wurstaurant,” a restaurant on the first floor of the hotel that serves sausage-themed dishes, including a sausage ice cream. Cooking courses are available for guests looking to create their own sausage masterpieces at home, but Boebel also offers plenty of sausages for purchase in his shop.

Dateline: Arizona

A Republican lawmaker in Arizona wants to fund President Trump’s border wall with fees collected from viewers of pornography. According to
Arizona Mirror, Arizona Rep. Gail Griffin introduced HB 2444, which, if passed, would require “distributors” of devices with internet capabilities to install software on any of those devices sold within the state of Arizona that will block access to pornographic material. Anyone wishing to unlock the content will have to prove that they are over the age of 18 and pay a one-time fee of $20 to the state. The fees will all be placed in a new John McCain Human Trafficking and Child Exploitation Fund that will be created by the bill. Grants from the fund will go toward mental health services, temporary housing, assisting victims of human trafficking, training authorities, assisting school districts and assisting law enforcement. They will also be available for the use of building “a border wall between Mexico and this state or fund border security.” Opponents of the bill say it violates the US Constitution.

Compiled by Joshua Lee. Email your weird news to josh@alibi.com.

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