Dateline: TexasA man from Alvin, Texas says he won’t stop caring for his “psychotic” cow, even though he was hospitalized after her last attack—which caused him broken ribs and a punctured lung. According to Houston Chronicle, Greg Nolen says his cow Bellvia has become increasingly aggressive and violent since giving birth. The problem has grown worse since the calf was weaned. Bellvia has reportedly attacked Nolen a number of times—even headbutting the man. Last month, the cow seriously endangered her owner’s life when she allegedly attacked Nolen repeatedly. “She went crazy, she lunged and knocked me down by the trough,” Nolen said. “As I tried to get up, she hit me again and just started crushing me against it.” He said he would have died if it hadn’t been for his friend, Sabrina Smith, who witnessed the attack and intervened by hitting the cow on the head with a cane. Smith said the cow hit Nolen at least 15 times. “When she got me down, she broke all my ribs on this side of my body except for one,” Nolen told reporters. “She basically punctured my ribs, punctured my lungs and destroyed my spleen.” Nolen was hospitalized for two and a half weeks after undergoing surgery for his serious injuries but he has since recovered. Last week, reporters discovered that he had returned to caring for the angry bovine, who he says can “be a little psychotic sometimes.” He says he plans to use the cow for breeding. “She’s a registered Braford and I’ve invested a good amount of money in her … registered animals are of a higher quality,” said Nolen. Dateline: RussiaA Russian man has been charged with using a cat to attack a police officer. BBC News reports that Gennady Shcherbakov is facing up to five years in prison for reportedly shaking the cat and throwing it when approached by a police officer responding to noise complaints in the area. Shcherbakov had allegedly been drinking alcohol at the time, and was found sitting at the bottom of a stairwell in a residential building in Moscow. When confronted by the police officer, Shcherbakov refused to cooperate or answer any questions. He then allegedly picked up the passing animal and threw it at the officer. The cat then reportedly clung to the officer’s face, causing serious wounds. Shcherbakov denies throwing the cat and claims the animal attacked the officer of its own volition. He is now facing criminal charges of violence against a public official.Dateline: GermanyMourners at a funeral in eastern Germany were accidentally served cake infused with hashish. The Guardian reports that a group of people who attended a funeral service in Wiethagen were meeting at a local restaurant for coffee and cake—a German tradition. Soon after, 13 of those mourners began to experience nausea and dizziness, requiring medical treatment. Police investigated the incident and discovered that a restaurant employee had asked her 18-year-old daughter to bake the cakes. The daughter allegedly made two cakes—one for the mourners, and one that was infused with hashish for another occasion. The mother allegedly took the wrong cake to the restaurant. Police are now investigating the 18-year-old woman. The incident happened in August, but was not made public then out of respect for the family.Dateline: NebraskaPolice say a man in Lincoln, Neb., tried to open a checking account with a one million dollar bill. According to Lincoln Journal Star, staff at a local Pinnacle Bank branch said a man brought in the counterfeit bill last week and attempted to open a new checking account. Tellers attempted to explain to the man that the bill couldn’t possibly be real—the largest bill ever printed by the US Mint was the $100,000 bill—but the man reportedly refused to accept that it was fake. According to staff, he took the counterfeit bill with him and left. Police are reviewing surveillance footage in an attempt to identify the man. Authorities say they believe the man may have been the victim of fraud.Dateline: New HampshireA family’s grave site decorations have been repeatedly removed by the cemetery, presumably for being inappropriate. New Hampshire Union Leader reports that Christina Wohle’s 18-year-old son died of a heart attack three years ago after competing in a rodeo. This year, Wohle decorated her son’s grave for Halloween by building a display featuring parts of a plastic skeleton—two arms, two legs and a skull wearing a cowboy hat—that appeared to be rising from the grave. She said she thought the display would have appealed to her son’s sense of humor. Wohle says the display was removed and the pieces were placed behind the headstone. She rebuilt it, but it was removed once again. Polly Freese, chairman of the Cemetery Commission, told reporters that the commission has the right to remove any decorations it sees as unfit. She claimed the fake bones were in the way of landscapers, but Wohle says the cemetery hasn’t been mowed since September, and that her son’s grave doesn’t have any grass on it. She also says the commission never even contacted her about the issue. Freese said the commission was not obligated to contact Wohle.