Odds & Ends

Dateline: Michigan

Joshua Lee
6 min read
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A Kalamazoo sheriff reportedly ordered detectives to investigate a Facebook message that called him fat. According to WWMT in Michigan, Kalamazoo County Sheriff Richard C. Fuller III allegedly ordered detectives to go to the home of a man thought to have sent the message and investigate the incident—which was not determined to be unlawful. The message Fuller received said, “Your a fat a– who needs to go on a diet. Stop us from living. Come get me if you want me tubby as fat b—-. [sic]” Reporters were able to get a copy of the police report through a Freedom of Information Act request. It showed that the sheriff sent detectives to the man’s home to warn him that the message was being considered a threat. The report states that the man denied sending the message and claimed that his Facebook account had been hacked. The man told reporters that he believed the response was an overreaction since people post mean things on the internet all the time. The police report says that the man was warned about making similar posts in the future. “While he still had constitutional rights to free speech,” the report says, “he should be cautious about posts that are threats.” Detectives never explained how the insulting post could be interpreted as threatening. No charges were filed against the man.

Odds & Ends Dateline: Ohio

An extremely rare blue lobster was saved from death by Red Lobster employees. ABC News reports that Red Lobster employees at a Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio restaurant found the uncommon crustacean in their usual food delivery and decided to call the Monterey Bay Aquarium in California to ask for advice. The staff at Monterey Bay Aquarium contacted the Akron Zoo and were able to find a permanent home for the lobster there. “The connection between the Akron Zoo and Red Lobster came from a conservation partnership called Seafood Watch,” Akron Zoo said on social media. “The program, run by the Monterey Bay Aquarium, strives to help consumers and businesses choose seafood that is farmed sustainably and fished in ways to support a healthy ocean. Both the Akron Zoo and Red Lobster are conservation partners with Seafood Watch.” Staff at the zoo rushed to construct a new home for the rare animal, named “Clawde” by Red Lobster employees. The new living space was dubbed “Clawde’s Man Cave” by zoo employees. The Akron Zoo said that on one lobster in every two million is born with a blue shell.

Odds & Ends Dateline: United Kingdom

A group of baboons is allegedly armed with weapons like knives and chainsaws and attacking visitors at a safari park in England. New York Post reports that the band of monkeys at the Knowsley Safari Park in Merseyside have been known to rip off windshield wipers and mirrors from vehicles in the past. But the stakes were raised recently when park-goers said they saw the monkeys carrying weapons like knives, screwdrivers and even chainsaws. Park employees say they believe guests have been supplying the animals with the weapons. “We’re not sure if they are being given weapons by some of the guests who want to see them attack cars, or if they’re fishing them out of pickup trucks and vans,” an employee told reporters. Park officials deny the accounts, however, and say that armed monkeys is an urban myth. “We believe many of these stories have grown in exaggeration as they’ve been retold, with embellishment to make the objects that are sometimes found in the enclosure seem more exciting and unbelievable,” said park representatives. They added that visiting the park was as safe as using a fast food drive-thru lane.

Odds & Ends Dateline: Florida

A popular Florida television news reporter recently thanked a viewer who spotted a cancerous tumor on her neck and brought it to her attention. According to WKMG in Orlando, Fla. Victoria Price, a reporter with WFLA in Florida, underwent surgery last week to remove a tumor, her thyroid and some lymph nodes. Price counts herself lucky, though, because she might not have caught the tumor in time had it not been for one concerned viewer who noticed the growth on Price’s neck while watching her on TV. The viewer sent Price an email that said, “What concerned me was the lump on your neck. Please have your thyroid checked. Reminds me of my neck. Mine turned out to be cancer. Take care of yourself.” Thankfully, Price followed the advice. She was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. “Doctor said it’s spreading, but not too much, and we’re hopeful this will be my first and last procedure,” Price wrote before undergoing surgery. Price’s television catchphrase is “8 on your side.” “But the roles recently reversed when I found a viewer on my side,” she said. “I will be forever grateful for the woman who went out of her way to email me, a total stranger. She had zero obligation to, but she did anyway. Talk about being on your side, huh?” The eagle-eyed viewer passed her phone number on to Price, who said she wants to attempt to contact the woman once she’s recovered from the procedure. In a special report, Price called the woman her “guardian angel.” The reporter is planning to return to work after at least a week of recovery time. According to the American Cancer Society, about 52,890 new cases of thyroid cancer have been detected this year. Women are reportedly three times more likely to develop thyroid cancer than men.

Compiled by Joshua Lee. Email your weird news to josh@alibi.com.

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