Odds & Ends: Burglar Hears A Burglar, Burglary Turned Commercial Opportunity, Swearing Anchorman, Nail Polish Thief, Ultra-Fast House Profits, Walmart Gigalo

Odds & Ends: Burglar Hears A Burglar, Burglary Turned Commercial Opportunity, Swearing Anchorman, Nail Polish Thief, Ultra-Fast House Profits, Walmart Gigalo

Devin D. O'Leary
4 min read
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Dateline: Romania

An alleged burglar rifling through a home in the tiny Eastern Romanian town of Benesti got so scared after hearing a strange noise that he actually called the police. According to London’s
Metro newspaper, 31-year-old Marius Ionescu thought he heard another burglar breaking into the house, so he hid and waited for authorities to come and rescue him. Turns out the only other thing in the house was the family’s cat. “He already has a criminal record for similar break-ins,” police spokesperson Mihaela Straub said of Ionescu. “Given his nervous disposition, he probably should look for another job.”

Dateline: California

A Northern California grocery story is making the best out of a bad situation, turning surveillance footage of a recent robbery attempt into a television commercial. Earlier this year, a video camera installed inside Kent’s Meats and Groceries in Redding captured overnight images of an overweight, bearded man in pajama pants throwing a rock at the glass-fronted doors of the supermarket. The glass cracks, but does not shatter. The store’s alarm goes off, however, frightening the would-be burglar away. In his mad dash to escape, the burglar can be seen tripping over a concrete parking barrier in the parking lot. Store owner Kent Pfrimmer took the footage and turned it into a commercial for his pastrami. The commercial features the break-in attempt and ends with the words, “So good, some people will do just about anything to get more.” The Redding Police Department is still trying to identify the man in the video.

Dateline: North Dakota

A brand new news anchor lost his job after swearing within the first five seconds of his debut on live television. A.J. Clemente became an internet sensation after footage of the nervous newscaster muttering “fucking shit” as cameras were focused on him for the first time went viral. Clemente later tweeted about his embarrassing debut, saying, “That couldn’t have gone any worse!” Monica Hannan, news director at Bismarck’s KFYR-TV, apologized on the station’s official Facebook page, saying Clemente had been fired following the incident. Within a week of Clemente’s gaffe, he had been booked on the “Today” show and “Late Show With David Letterman.” He even landed a brief replacement job, covering the red carpet premiere of Pierce Brosnan’s new movie
Love Is All You Need for “Live! with Kelly and Michael.”

Dateline: Connecticut

A man was arrested at a CVS pharmacy in Middletown for allegedly trying to steal 102 bottles of nail polish. Marco Gonzalez, 42, entered the store at around 9 p.m. on April 18 and, according to the store’s loss prevention officer, “started selecting and concealing Essie and Sally Hansen brand nail polishes into his sweatshirt.” When confronted, Gonzalez had more than 100 bottles stuffed into his sweatshirt and pants. According to
The Middletown Press, Gonzalez told a responding police officer “that he did not plan on paying for the nail polish.” Gonzalez was charged with fifth-degree larceny for merchandise totaling $865.98.

Dateline: Michigan

A bargain-hunting real estate investor bought a house in Kalamazoo for $3,200—and made a quick $115,000 without fixing it up or selling it. After Brandi Crawford Johnson bought the 1,800-square-foot tax-foreclosure home, she sued the city for failing to tell her the building contained lead paint. Though the city is not required to actually test houses for lead contamination, city officials recently approved a $115,000 settlement in the case. In settling with Johnson, the city acknowledged that officials did not provide appropriate documentation about the possibility of lead in the 110-year-old home. All houses built prior to 1977—when lead-based paint was banned—may contain lead.

Dateline: New York

State police busted an enterprising Walmart employee for turning tricks in the bargain department store’s restroom. According to the
Times-Union newspaper in Albany, 22-year-old Foster M. Bills was charged with a misdemeanor count of prostitution after an undercover police investigator said Bills accepted his offer of cash for sex. Police checked into the store in Queensbury after receiving an anonymous tip about illicit activity. Bills, who worked the night shift at the Walmart, allegedly advertised his services on Craigslist.

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.

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