Dateline: Germany— In one of the more surreal acts of forgotten-medication-based lunacy, a young Bavarian man is accused of taunting a group of Hells Angels by dropping his pants and throwing a puppy. The unidentified 26-year-old student allegedly drove onto the motorcycle clubhouse grounds in Allershausen, a town just north of Munich, and pulled down his Bermuda shorts, mooning a group of bikers. Witnesses say he followed that act by throwing a puppy at them. The man wrapped up his performance by fleeing the scene, then stopping at a nearby autobahn construction sight to steal a bulldozer, which he attempted to drive to Munich. According to the Munich daily newspaper TZ , the slow pace of the getaway vehicle caused a three-mile traffic jam. After making it less than a mile down the road, the 26-year-old hitched a ride with a truck, which let him off in Eching, not far from Munich. Police lost track of him briefly but finally found him. He told police he had neglected to take his medication for depression. He was checked into a psychiatric clinic for evaluation. Meanwhile, the puppy he chucked at the Hells Angels was taken to an animal shelter in Freising. Dateline: England— A British man nearly lost a testicle when a body waxing stunt for charity went horribly wrong. Joe Cooper of Birstall, Leicester, decided to raise money for his local hospital’s children’s ward by giving bidders at The Trees pub an opportunity to rip the hair off his groin with hot wax. According to local newspaper reports, the charity fundraiser took an ugly turn when one of the “lucky” bidders yanked off six of the seven layers of skin next to Cooper’s scrotum. The 24-year-old man told the Daily Record , “Everyone was laughing, but docs said if any more skin had gone, one of my crown jewels would’ve come out.” Cooper’s ballsy stunt earned $4,400 for the Leicester Royal Infirmary. Though doctors say the patient is healing well, Cooper is hoping more donations will come in because “I’m still hurting.” Dateline: Florida— An Islamorada man was nearly crushed to death by a falling water buffalo while sitting in his own home. Monroe County Sheriff’s deputies say a man in the Florida Keys called 911 when a stuffed water buffalo’s head fell off the wall of his home, pinning him to a reclining chair. Jim Harris, 56, was sitting in the chair watching the 11 p.m. news when “I leaned over to turn on the lamp and kapow .” The impact knocked out Harris. “I guess it’s payback time for the buffalo, but I’m not even the guy who shot him,” Harris told the Palm Beach Post . When he regained consciousness two hours later, Harris was unable to move. He eventually managed to reach his cell phone and dialed 911. Since he couldn’t lift the phone to his ear, Harris simply shouted his address at emergency response operators and repeated the words, “I’m trapped. I’m crushed.” It took four emergency workers to lift the 200-pound trophy head—nicknamed Bubba—from Harris’ lap. Harris was taken to Mariners Hospital in Tavernier and treated for bruises, a concussion and pinched nerves. He told the newspaper he plans to donate Bubba to a nearby restaurant. Dateline: Idaho— A 74-year-old Boise woman has been arrested on suspicion of a yearlong string of condiment-based crimes. It started last May when staff at the Ada Community Library found a whole bottle of maple syrup dumped into a library drop-off box outside the Victory Road branch in South Boise. Since then, bottles of ketchup, corn syrup and other household condiments have been poured into the drop box, ruining thousands of dollars’ worth of books. Boise police told the Idaho Statesman they nabbed 74-year-old Joy L. Cassidy on Sunday, June 13, after staking out the library. Police had been patrolling the area regularly since the condiment crime spree began. Boise Police spokesperson Chuck McClure said officers spotted a car matching the description of a suspicious vehicle that seemed to be in the area every time vandalism occurred. Police pulled the vehicle over and determined that the driver had just dropped an open jar of mayonnaise into the library drop slot. When police took Cassidy into custody, they found a loaded handgun under the driver’s seat of her car. She does not have a concealed weapons permit. In addition to the misdemeanor charge of carrying a concealed weapon, Cassidy is being held as a “person of interest” in the more than 10 previous incidents of vandalism involving the library drop slot. McClure told the newspaper police have not yet determined a motive for Cassidy’s super sloppy vandalism.
Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. E-mail your weird news to devin@alibi.com.
