Odds & Ends: The Dangers Of Chow Mein, Loser Fee, Delicious Jail Bologna, The Incest Alibi, $10,000 Sauce

Odds & Ends: The Dangers Of Chow Mein, Loser Fee, Delicious Jail Bologna, The Incest Alibi, $10,000 Sauce

Devin D. O'Leary
5 min read
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Dateline: India

A government official in North-central India is under fire for claiming that a recent spike in rapes can be attributed to fast food—particularly chow mein. “To my understanding, consumption of fast food contributes to such incidents,” Jitender Chhatar, a town council leader in Haryana’s Jind district, was quoted as saying in the
Times Of India . “Chow mein leads to hormonal imbalance evoking an urge to indulge in such acts.” Chhatar says burgers and pizza do factor into the rapes, but Chinese noodles are the biggest contributors to sex crimes. “You also know the impact of chow mein, which is a spicy food, on our body,” Chhatar said. “Hence, our elders also advised to consume light and nutritious food.” Earlier this month, Haryana’s khap panchayats (town councils) provoked outrage after Sube Singh, another khap leader, advocated lowering the age of marriage for girls from 18 to 16 on the grounds that young girls are vulnerable to rapes and should be married off earlier.

Dateline: Singapore

The strict southern Asian nation of Singapore has come up with a novel way of encouraging its men’s professional soccer league teams to do their best. From now on, losing teams will be fined tens of thousands of dollars. According to Singapore’s
TODAY newspaper, the S.League’s new “carrot-and-stick” method will provide large cash rewards for winners of the Singaporean title, but will also include five-figure penalties for teams that finish at the bottom of the league. The 13th-place team, for example, will be punished with a 50,000 Singapore dollar fine (around $39,500). “We hope these—stiff penalties, not just a slap on the wrist—will inspire clubs to do well,” S.League CEO Lim Chin told the paper. Clubs will be allowed to pay off their fines in installments over the following season.

Dateline: Florida

Christine Lee Brown, 51, was so pleased with the delicious bologna sandwiches she was served while incarcerated in the Brevard County Jail, she repeatedly called 911 to thank County Sheriff Jack Parker. Palm Bay Police say Brown dialed 911 a half-dozen times on Saturday, Oct. 13. “The last time I was arrested, the sheriff gave me his bologna sandwiches,” said Brown, occasionally slurring her words to emergency dispatchers. “I remember them.” The 911 operator asked Brown if she had an emergency. “No,” she replied. On subsequent calls, Brown expanded her conversation about cooking facilities at the jail. She weighed in on baked beans, rice and other favorite meals. Brown has been charged with six felony counts of misuse of 911 communications. Luckily, Brown is being held on a $3,000 bond at the Brevard County Jail Complex and will be able to eat plenty more of those delicious bologna sandwiches.

Dateline: Massachusetts

Brother and sister act Robert and Amanda Larrivee say they’re no thieves—they just like to have sex with one another. According to WGGB-TV, the two siblings were caught trying to steal a television from a bar called Samuel’s at the Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield. They reportedly entered the bathroom around 9 p.m. on Sunday, Oct.13, and started “ripping the television off the wall.” A manager locked the Larrivees in the bathroom and called police. When officers arrived, Robert and Amanda reportedly claimed they weren’t stealing a TV, but were simply having sex in the bathroom. It’s not the best alibi in the book, considering incest is a crime in Massachusetts, punishable by up to 20 years in prison. Despite their claims of, well, not exactly
innocence , police at the scene found that the bathroom television had been forcibly removed from the wall. Amanda, 30, and Robert, 38, were charged with larceny. Robert was also charged with threatening to commit a crime after allegedly trying to beat up an officer at the police station.

Dateline: North Dakota

An anonymous online bidder paid nearly $10,000 for a spoiled container of barbecue sauce. The one-gallon jug of McJordan BBQ sauce was put up for sale on eBay by the former owner of a Bismarck area McDonald’s. The condiment was produced back in 1992 and used on a barbecue bacon burger named after Chicago Bulls legend Michael Jordan. The McJordan was only available for a limited time at select McDonald’s locations. The “unused, unopened, undamaged item” was advertised by owner Mort Bank as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own “the rarest of rare Michael Jordan and McDonald’s collectible!” Bank told the
Bismark Tribune , “It was in my basement and I would look at it occasionally. I thought it would be worth something.” Bank ended up selling the plastic jug filled with reddish goo for $9,995 to a buyer in Chicago. Bank said he hopes the buyer is “not going to put it on his ribs or his burger.” The sauce is believed to have passed its expiration date nearly 20 years ago.

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.

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