Dateline: Sweden— An intoxicated sailor sparked a major sea rescue operation by reporting that his wife had fallen overboard—even though, as it later turned out, she was never on the boat to begin with. Sweden’s English-language news website The Local reported on the case of the inebriated seaman who alerted authorities about his wife’s disappearance near Kalmar, off the southern coast. When rescuers arrived on the scene, they found the man’s boat drifting with a broken tiller. After searching the area immediately around the crippled craft, rescuers realized that the missing wife was never on the boat and had stayed on shore throughout the ordeal. The man and his boat were towed back to dock, where the captain failed a Breathalyzer test. He was arrested and charged with boating while intoxicated. Dateline: Scotland— Apparently, opposites do attract. The world’s most pierced woman, 46-year-old Brazilian-born Elaine Davidson, just married retired Scottish civil servant Douglas Watson—who is in his sixties, balding, bespectacled and entirely piercing-free. Davidson was first certified as a Guinness World Record holder in 2000 when she had a mere 462 body piercings. Now, according to her own count, she has 6,925—including 192 on her face, 500 in her genitalia and 1,500 that are described as “internal.” The conservative wedding ceremony took place at the central Register Office in Edinburgh. The groom wore a navy blue suit and tie. The bride wore green, blue and yellow face paint. “Elaine looked astonishing,” the groom told London’s Daily Mail . “People see the piercings, but I see the amazing personality underneath.” According to Davidson’s website, she gives tarot and crystal ball readings, does hair extensions and makeup, and “will soon be opening a fetish shop in Edinburgh.” Dateline: England— The British press is up in arms after it was revealed that 50-year-old mother Sarah Burge—dubbed “the real-life Barbie” for her record-breaking plastic surgery—gave her 7-year-old daughter Poppy breast implants as a birthday present. The implants actually came in the form of a £6,000 ($9,000) surgery voucher delivered at the tot’s lavish seventh birthday party. “Poppy begged me for a boob job, so I gave her the voucher so she can have it after she’s 16, when it’s legal,” Burge told Closer magazine in an interview. The gift was part of a $18,500 “pamper party” Burge threw for Poppy and seven of her friends. According to Closer , the youngsters were given manicures, pedicures, makeovers and drank fake champagne in a hot-pink party bus. “All my friends were jealous,” said Poppy. “I can’t wait to be like Mummy with big boobs.” Burge, a mother of four, claims to have broken the world record for having the most cosmetic procedures—more than $800,000 worth—and is actively encouraging her youngest daughter to become a glamour model. Dateline: Canada— Two people were killed by a flying bear on a rural highway in western Quebec. Police said that—at about 10 p.m. on Monday, May 30—a Nissan Pathfinder was heading west along Highway 148 near Luskville when a bear came crashing through the windshield of the vehicle. Killed in the freak accident were a 25-year-old Ottawa woman in the driver’s seat and the 40-year-old man seated behind her. “The bear went through the windshield on the driver’s side and went back out by the back window. So can you imagine?" Const. Martin Fournel told the Toronto Sun . “I have to say, it’s a first.” The animal was initially struck by two men who were heading east along Highway 148 in a Pontiac Sunfire. The men were uninjured, but the impact sent the bear flying through the air and into the rural highway’s opposite lane, where it landed on the Pathfinder. Dateline: New Jersey— A 39-year-old woman, believed to be engaged in an act of sexual congress while in a Hamilton Township cemetery, was rushed to a hospital after a tombstone collapsed on her. According to The Times of Trenton, the unidentified woman was with a male friend at the Ahavath Israel Cemetery visiting the grave of a relative just before 7 p.m. on the evening of May 31. Hamilton Police spokesperson Capt. James Stevens told reporters the two decided to enjoy some “extracurricular activities,” which caused one of the cemetery’s tombstones to topple over onto the woman’s leg. The mood sufficiently extinguished, the woman was taken by ambulance to Capital Health Regional Medical Center for treatment. Police did not know the extent of her injuries, but witnesses said she was not badly hurt. The police investigation was halted after cemetery management declined to file a criminal complaint against the couple.
Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.
