Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.
Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free
::Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
5 min read
Dateline: ColoradoA waitress at an Applebee’s in Lakewood was shocked to discover she was a victim of identity theft—a fact she only discovered when a customer handed her her own ID. Brianna Priddy had her wallet stolen, complete with cash, credit cards and her driver’s license on the night of Feb. 13. She reported the loss to the state and to her bank. Two weeks later, she was on the job at Applebee’s when she carded a customer and the woman handed over a very familiar driver’s license. “I was shaking like crazy,” Priddy told Denver’s KUSA 9News. “I handed it back to her and said ‘Sure, I’ll be right back with your Margarita.” After leaving the table, Priddy “went straight to the phone, called the cops.” Lakewood police arrived minutes later and arrested the customer, whose name has not been released, on suspicion of theft, identity theft and criminal impersonation. “Dumb criminal,” Lakewood police spokesperson Steve Davis told 9News. “That’s the first thing that comes to mind.” In addition to the stolen ID, the customer was also found to be in possession of narcotics, “so she’s in quite a bit of hot water,” Davis added. Priddy claims the woman didn’t even look like her. Plus, as she told 9News, “you don’t hand somebody their own ID as a fake.”Dateline: MarylandA 7-year-old has been suspended from school for allegedly biting a Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun. Josh Welch was suspended for two days from Baltimore’s Park Elementary under the school’s zero tolerance policy toward weapons. “All I was trying to do was turn it into a mountain, but it didn’t look like a mountain really, and it turned out to be a gun kinda,” Welch told Fox affiliate WBFF. The second grader admits to munching on the strawberry toaster pastry during school hours. “It was already a rectangle, and I just kept on biting it and biting it and tore off the top and it kinda looked like a gun but it wasn’t,” he explained. Welch was given the boot and, to add insult to injury, his Pop-Tart was confiscated. A letter sent home to other parents explained that the boy was suspended for using food “to make inappropriate gestures.” Josh’s father, B.J. Welch, called the suspension “insanity,” adding “I mean with all the potential issues that could be dealt with at school: real threats, bullies, whatever the real issue is. It’s a pastry, ya know?” Dateline: ArkansasPolice in Jonesboro arrested a drunk driver after she tried to make a getaway in a child’s battery-powered car. According to the police report, witnesses say 28-year-old Jamie Jeanette Craft was traveling at a “high rate of speed” on the night of Sunday, March 3, when she crashed her 2001 Pontiac Grand Am into a mobile home. Craft, dressed in a white sweat shirt with no pants or shoes, got out of her wrecked vehicle and began yelling at one of the witnesses. According to the police report, Craft then climbed into a Power Wheels truck belonging to the mobile home owner’s son. The man told police he grabbed his kids and took them to his parent’s house. When he came back out, Craft was still trying to get away in the tiny vehicle. The child’s father made her get out, and she walked to her mother’s house. That’s where police located her, describing her demeanor as “irate and very intoxicated.” The arresting officer administered a portable breath alcohol test, and Craft gave a reading of .217—nearly three times the legal limit. She was taken to Craighead County Detention Center and held on charges of DWI and leaving the scene of an accident.Dateline: PennsylvaniaA poor rendition of “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” theme song almost landed a Pittsburgh area teen in jail. The Times-Online says that 19-year-old Travis Clawson had an appointment with the eye doctor scheduled for earlier this month. When the receptionist called to confirm, she got Clawson’s voice message, which apparently consists of him singing part of the theme song to the classic Will Smith sitcom. The receptionist, believing that Clawson’s message boasted of “shooting some people outside of the school,” immediately hung up and called 911. Police contacted Ambridge school officials, which eventually resulted in a countywide lockdown. Unable to locate the teen, Ambridge police resorted to simply calling Clawson, who informed them he was in his school’s guidance office. Police surrounded Ambridge Area High School and arrested Clawson. His locker was searched, but no weapons were found. Probably because the lyrics to “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” actually say “shooting some b-ball outside of the school.” No charges will be filed against Clawson.