Thin Line

John Bear
3 min read
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Saddam Who?– Saddam Hussein went to hell–or whatever afterlife awaits deposed dictators–on Dec. 30 in a widely publicized, and poorly conducted, execution.

I say widely publicized, but I cannot help but feel that Saddam got the shaft.

The event unfolded in my living room. I was watching John Stossel drone on in his characteristically annoying nasal squawk and wishing I had cable.

Suddenly the “ABC News Special Report” appeared. My vague sense of my own existence was instantaneously replaced with absolute attention only found in tweakers disassembling old Nintendos.

Saddam had been hanged. How quaint, I thought. What, they don’t have hydrogen cyanide in Iraq or any other horrible chemicals with which to dispatch someone to the great beyond?

Oh yeah, they don’t–at least, not anymore.

This snarky exchange with myself lasted only a few seconds. And when I snapped to, Stossel’s ugly mustache assaulted my senses once again.

That was it?

I waited for “Nightline” to come on. Sure, it would be the usual Friday fare, doggy hotels and whatnot. But to my utmost surprise, the gang over at ABC dedicated the entire half hour to the Butcher of Baghdad.

They did a fair recap of Saddam’s life, though I was disappointed that they failed to include where he got those nasty chemical weapons he used on his own people.

But that’s a diatribe for another day. I was pleased that in the third segment, the word “vendetta” was invoked, as in the vendetta between Saddam and the Bush family is now over.

As the days grinded on, the Saddam thing got second billing to Jerry Ford. I know he was president, but the guy was in his 90s. Even when it came to light that the execution was handled in a manner most uncouth, the news followed Ford.

The Ford memorial marathon even overshadowed the indictment of seven police officers in New Orleans on charges that they hunted down a retarded guy, shot him seven times–in the back, nonetheless–and then lied and said he pulled a weapon on himself.

But I digress. Saddam Hussein, a nasty bastard by most accounts, was our national archenemy for nearly two decades, and onetime lover. Did he not deserve …

We interrupt this tirade to bring you an update on former President Gerald Ford. He is still dead. We will stay with this story and bring you further details as they develop.

I lost my train of thought. Yes, Saddam spent many years as a pain in the ass to the powers that be. Bush I went to war with him. Bill Clinton attacked him numerous times. Bush II, well, you know that one by now. Hell, our country, through the U.N., even starved his country for years and years. Didn’t he at least deserve a half hour special on “E”?

For all I know, he got one. Damn, I really need to get some cable.
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