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The Daily Word in how not to get raped by Bill Cosby

The Daily Word

Good morning, it's Wednesday, November 19,

and the ladies of New Mexico continue to make less money than the men of New Mexico,

the detective who joked about shooting James Boyd right before he actually shot James Boyd is retiring from the force. It is unknown whether or not he is the same officer who shouted “Booyah!” after pulling the trigger,

researchers are studying the last election to determine how much impact voter ID laws had on turnout

and it turns out that Barbie is a terrible computer engineer. Luckily, she has boys to help her.

Meanwhile, much like pudding pop commercials in the ‘80s, the rape allegations against Bill Cosby keep on coming!

But this CNN host has some helpful tips on how to avoid being raped by Bill Cosby. Listen up ladies!

and Netflix has decided that now might not be the best time to air their Bill Cosby comedy special.

Have a great day!

news

The Daily Word in Bill Cosby, cops taking people's stuff, and rocket-powered Frenchmen

The Daily Word

A Las Cruces city attorney offered tips on how police departments can make more money: Just take people’s stuff, even if they’re not guilty of a crime. “It’s a gold mine!” he said. “We could be like Czars!”

One of the controversial and soon-to-be-dissolved Mars Hill Church’s leaders will soon be holding services in Albuquerque.

The Russians are watching you masturbate.

People don’t want to watch a man get eten by a snake.

Noted comedian and possible rapist Bill Cosby just discovered that a lot of people think he’s probably a rapist.

And behold! The world’s fastest bicycle-mounted Frenchman!

news

The Daily Word in very important news that everyone should be talking about

The Daily Word

In a stunning upset that is sure to have far-reaching ramifications, a porcupine managed to fend off a pride of lions.

Many people this morning are very angry that Rob Lowe is making fun of those who suffer from “shy-bladder syndrome.”

Although they've been dealt a series of setbacks over the past few years, it turns out that fanged deer are still surviving in the wild.

Marijuana smokers have reason to be excited today: this video of a cute goat saying “what’ will surely benefit from being viewed while high.

In a move sure that may stoke illegal immigration fears, kissing bugs in Texas are now transmitting a disease previously though limited to Mexico.

And also I guess there was some kind of election yesterday.

news

The Daily Word in oh my god, ghosts are real!

The Daily Word

Some sort of “wizard or spirit” showed up at the burning of El Kookooee last weekend. “It’s either a real humanoid figure up there hovering in the sky or it’s an extremely good projection from either a slide or some kind of camera,” said a ‘ghost enthusiast.’

A representative of a local haunted house attraction is on camera admitting that their brand of fright includes sexual assault, and also that they don’t do background checks on their professional gropers. Scary! But not in a fun way. More in an "actually committing sexual crimes" way.

What parts of New Mexico are haunted? Pretty much all of them, accordion to this website!

Allegedly ghost-infested asylum ruin still not torn down, probably won’t be torn down any time soon.

One thing I never could stomach about living in Houston: all the damn vampires.

A real estate firm has mapped out which cities are the worst for surviving a zombie uprising. Ha, suck it El Paso!

And France is apparently crawling with evil clowns.

news

The Daily Word in drive-thru house hunting, murderer look-alikes, and a very Kirk Cameron Halloween

The Daily Word

Some guy turned two apartments in the NE Heights into his personal garage. The current residents aren’t too pleased.

We at the Alibi are bored with freaking out about Ebola. Let’s freak out about tuberculosis instead.

Cop killer Eric Frein is still at large in the PA woods, which is especially bad news for this other guy who looks just like him and would like for the police to stop pointing guns at him and making him lie on the ground.

The cost of the Hobbit trilogy is edging ever-closer to the $1 billion mark, perhaps due to the enormous costs associated with feeding a live dragon.

Syria is the hot new vacation destination for theocracy-inclined teenagers in Colorado this fall.

Good news, everybody! Kirk Cameron says it’s okay to celebrate Halloween!

news

The Daily Word in Penis, Not Penis, Penis

The Daily Word

APD officer Keith Sandy joked about shooting James Boyd in the penis before fatally shooting him in the chest. No he didn’t, says the Albuquerque Police Department. Yes he totally frigging did, says Keith Sandy.

Texans will soon arm themselves with crossbows to protect New Mexican pumpkins from wild pigs. This is not one of Nostradmus’s more obscure prophecies, but actually a real thing that’s happening. h/t Dukecityfix.

Cooking With Pooh and 24 more completely inappropriate (but real!) children’s books.

The new Left Behind movie has scored a rare and coveted blurb from Satan himself.

Here’s a new reason to freak out about ebola this week: Freak out!

Super-successful joke maker Seth MacFarlane made a (honestly not-very good) joke about New Mexico last night. News 13 is on the case!

news

The Daily Word in Albuquerque's famous Tex-Mex cuisine

The Daily Word

Hey, Albuquerque made a top-5 list of cities for foodies in Women’s Health Magazine! Let’s see what this well-researched article says about us. “Mexican and Tex-Mex cuisines have been ABQ mainstays forseeminglyever.” Have you ever seen an entire city facepalm itself, Women’s Health?

Rain is coming! Thanks to Tropical Storm Odile.

A Las Vegas, NM man may have the second ever authenticated photo of Billy the Kid.

Forensic study of Richard III’s skeleton reveals that when he went down, he went down hard.

Santa Fe’s advisory Public Safety Committee is struggling to wrap their heads around the marijuana decriminalization law. “It’s unlawful but it’s not a big deal?” said committee member Joe Arellano. “I’m not sure I understand.” Actually, Joe, that’s pretty much it. This isn’t hard. Really.

And later today, we’ll find out which major league team the ‘Topes will feed into.

news

The Daily Word in on-again, off-again pot ballot measures

The Daily Word

Remember the pot question that was going to be on the ballot, then wasn’t going to be on the ballot, then was going to be on the ballot? It’s not going to be on the ballot.

You don’t have to dig up an Alamogordo landfill to find a lot of copies of a terrible game from the last century. A store in Albuquerque has hundreds of copies of “Night Trap,” the 1993 game that sent Senaotor Lieberman into apoplexy and pushed the industry to adopt a rating system.

Roses!

A Colorado teen has plead guilty to conspiring to help ISIS.

Does your Internet seem slow today? Time to learn about net neutrality.

And Facebook likes Harry Potter better than the bible.

news

The Daily Word in Saved by the Bell and a butt full of cocaine

The Daily Word

Another APD lapel camera somehow stopped recording during a fatal shooting.

Ricky Gervais is kind of a prick, but no surprise there.

Cee Lo Green is actually a huge prick and maybe a rapist, which is more surprising and makes me sad.

Vice magazine continues its hard-hitting reporting by answering the question: What happens when you put cocaine in your butt?

Two UNM physicians are going to kill a bunch of grasshoppers.

The New York St. Patrick’s Day parade will be cooler and gayer this year.

And, for the children of the late 20th century, here are 100 things that apparently happened in that Saved By the Bell movie that you didn’t watch but secretly kind of wanted to.

news

The Daily Word in EBOLA, OMG EBOLA

The Daily Word

A man pointed his finger at Santa Fe private school students and said “pew pew.” This didn’t go over well.

Albuquerque, as a whole, has been revealed to be a terrible driver. And Albuquerque, as a whole, gives a knowing laugh.

A Washington D.C. based consultant has some interesting ideas for making our Downtown more walkable.

A UNM professor is looking into why APD’s lapel cameras are always switching off at key moments, which is really weird, and must be because of, I dunno, a chip or something? Or a wire? Yeah, that's it. Probably a wire.

Air France has suspended flights because of… bum bum bum… EBOLA. Let's all freak out.

And a 9-year-old girl fatally shot her instructor with an automatic Uzi during a practice session gone wrong.


Today's Events

Kate Star Cherry
Courtesy of artist

Hobbler Gobbler Thanksgiving Day Run at Rio Rancho Aquatic Center

Thanksgiving Lunch & Dinner at Anasazi Restaurant at Rosewood Inn of the Anasazi

More Recommented Events ››
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CADDYWHOMPUS(neworleanLA)12.10.2014