Get the Hell Out of Here, Hulk!
"Brooke Knows Best" on VH1
By Simon McCormack
Compared to the rest of her family, Brooke Hogan does know best. Her father, former professional wrestler Hulk Hogan, is an overprotective goober with a constant need to be in the spotlight. Her mother, Linda, is more affectionate toward her exotic pets than her children. And Brooke’s brother, Nick, is in prison after his reckless driving put his friend in a coma. Brooke, meanwhile, has always been the most wholesome, good-natured one of the bunch. Maybe that’s why VH1 decided to give Brooke her own show, “Brooke Knows Best,” a spinoff of “Hogan Knows Best,” which was also on VH1.
After her parents' very public divorce, Brooke decides to get away by setting up shop in a luxury condo in Miami. There she can focus on her singing career (which hasn’t exactly taken off) and finding guys to date who will make her father insanely nervous.
I was very much looking forward to this show because it offers a chance for Brooke to step out of the shadow of Hulk, whose domineering tendencies were starting to grate on the later episodes of “Hogan Knows Best.” It would just be good ol’ sweet-faced Brooke, throwing parties and hanging out on the beach. Believe it or not, that premise, which is heavily insinuated by the “Brooke Knows Best” promo ads, constitutes a major upgrade from the show’s predecessor.
Sadly, the first two episodes disappoint. The premiere episode is Hulk-heavy. He helps her move, he sits around, he cautions her about the need for safe sex and, in general, is a nuisance. Then, in the next episode, Linda pops in to see the house and then Brooke and her flamboyant friend Glenn interview a series of candidates for a third roommate. Talk about yawn city.
Finally, by episode three, things start heating up. Brooke throws a party and invites a hot surfer fellow she met on the beach earlier that day. His pickup line was, “Oh, yeah, I totally recognize you, dude.” (He’s a keeper, Brooke.) Then drama ensues when Brooke invites her ex-boyfriend “Stacks” to the party as well. Is it hot in here, or is that just the intrigue?!
Episode four is the best so far. Brooke gets invited to be a celebrity guest at several spring break parties. There are tons of attractive men and women all over the place, and everything seems to be going perfectly. Then Hulk shows up for some reason and distracts us all from the party. Goddamn it, Hulk, just let Brooke hang out with the idiot college coeds!
After a bumpy beginning, “Brooke Knows Best” is really cooking. VH1 has finally figured out that Brooke should be doing what every pseudo-celebrity worth their salt does—party constantly.
New episodes of “Brooke Knows Best” air on Sundays at 8 p.m. on VH1.
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