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 V.20 No.17 | April 28 - May 4, 2011 

Idiot Box

Royally Overloaded

We got your royal wedding coverage covered

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If you’re like me and completely sick of all the royal wedding coverage dominating the television airwaves in the last couple of weeks, you’ll be happy to know it all ends this Friday. If, on the other hand, you can’t get enough of diamond tiaras, hand-embroidered ivory wedding dresses and horse-drawn carriages, then rest assured it’s all coming to a head this Friday. Either way, you win.

Yes, Prince William and Kate Middleton are about to get royally hitched. To listen to all the breathless anglophiles on TV right now, you’d think this was the most magical event in the history of the world ... or at least since the last royal wedding. Honestly, it’s not even close. The marriage of Charles and Diana was a worldwide phenomenon. William and Kate are distressingly ordinary in comparison. He flies helicopters and needs a prescription for Propecia, stat. She ... graduated college and looks good in hats. With the world economy in free-fall, who cares about the figurehead monarchy of some former colonial power anyway? ... I don’t know, ask the makers of Kiss Me Kate beer, Crown Jewels Condoms, and the Kate and William souvenir nail clippers.

If you’ve already ordered your commemorative teacups and need a fix of pomp and circumstance, the 2011 royal hitch-up should deliver enough pretty clothes and shiny baubles to tide you over until the next season of “Project Runway.” Of course, if you wanna watch the thing live as it happens, you’re gonna have to wake up mighty early. BBC America and MSNBC start their coverage at 1 a.m. MSNBC has got Martin Bashir. BBC America has a direct, commercial-free simulcast of BBC One, and very likely the best seats in the house. ABC, NBC, CNN and Fox News get things rolling at 2 a.m. ABC has got Diane Sawyer and Barbara Walters at Buckingham Palace and Robin Roberts stationed at Westminster Abbey. NBC’s team (Matt Lauer, Meredith Vieira, Brian Williams, Al Roker and Ann Curry) will spread out over London, trying to do as much damage as possible. CBS shows up finally at 3 a.m. with a very tired Katie Couric, who’s been anchoring “CBS Evening News” live from London for three nights in a row. Coverage ends for everybody between 8 a.m. and 10 a.m. MST.

If you need to do anything silly like sleep on Thursday night or work on Friday morning, there are plenty of recaps to choose from on Friday night. The broadcast networks are offering up “The Royal Wedding: Modern Majesty” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) and “Dateline NBC: The Royal Wedding” (KOB-4 8 p.m.), which should have all the glamor highlights from earlier.

If, on the other hand, you’re ready to laugh at all of this, there’s “Kathy Griffin’s Insightful and Hilarious Take on the Royal Wedding” (TV Guide 6 p.m.), which should feature enough American snark to cut through the toffee-nosed baloney. And if you want to round out the night with a catty fashion recap, tune in to “Fashion Police: Royal Wedding Special” (E! 11 p.m.). I gotta say, it takes some stones to bag on the Queen Mum. If anybody can do it, it’s Joan Rivers.


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