Week in Sloth
“Appalachian Outlaws” (History 8pm) TV obviously hasn’t run out of rednecks and hillbillies to showcase. But the networks have run out of things that rednecks and hillbillies do. Having exhausted moonshining, gator hunting and catfish noodling, they’ve moved on to ginseng harvesting. Yeah. Ginseng.
“The Spoils of Babylon” (IFC 8pm) IFC pokes fun at epic miniseries with this spoof, which pretends to be a “long-lost, recently rediscovered” 1970s melodrama about a greedy, oil-rich family starring Tobey Maguire, Kristen Wiig, Tim Robbins, Michael Sheen and Will Ferrell.
“Enlisted” (KASA-2 8:30pm) This “irreverent and heartfelt” sitcom (FOX’s words) introduces us to two misfit brothers, stuck on a crummy military base in Florida with their gung-ho older brother as platoon leader.
“10 Million Dollar Bigfoot Bounty” (Spike TV 8pm) Bigfoot hunters try to capture Bigfoot once and for all to claim a $10 million bounty. I feel Spike’s money is perfectly safe.
“Helix” (Syfy 8pm) Syfy’s new medical horror series tunes in on a group of C.D.C. scientists stuck at a research facility in the Arctic while investigating a strange virus.
Tiger Eyes (Lifetime 6pm) This shot-in-New-Mexico adaptation of Judy Blume’s semi-autobiographical novel finally gets its debut. In it, a young girl comes to terms with her father’s murder after her family up and moves to the desert Southwest.
“The 71st Annual Golden Globes” (KOB-4 6pm) Who cares who wins? Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are hosting!
“True Detective” (HBO 7pm) The first 8-episode season of this gritty anthology crime series stars Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson as a pair of detectives hunting a Louisiana serial killer over the course of 17 years.
“American Ninja Warrior: USA vs. Japan” (KOB-4 7pm) Which adjective will prevail? The “American” or the “Ninja”?
“Bitten” (Syfy 8pm) Who are you to resist a Canadian TV show about a crime-solving female werewolf? It stars the gal who played Supergirl on “Smallville.”
“Don’t Trust Andrew Mayne” (A&E 8pm) “In-your-face” street magician Andrew Mayne uses his illusions to get revenge on lying spouses, untrustworthy roommates and annoying siblings. Finally we have an answer to the question “What if ‘Impractical Jokers’ hired Criss Angel?”
“Duck Quacks Don’t Echo” (National Geographic 8pm) If you’re going to rip off the “Mythbusters” testing-urban-myths format, the least you could do is find a titular myth Jamie and Adam haven’t investigated. (Spoiler alert: Duck quacks do echo.)
“Chozen” (FX 8:30pm) FX’s new cartoon companion to “Archer” features an aspiring (and openly gay) rap star trying to get his life back on track after being released from prison.
“Friday Night Tykes” (Esquire 7pm) Horrified by the awful little girls and their horrible parents on “Toddlers & Tiaras”? Well, prepare to be horrified by the awful little boys and their horrible parents in this docu-reality look at Texas youth football.
“American Idol” (KASA-2 7pm) Can’t live without somebody warbling some half-assed Beyoncé cover on TV? The 13th season of “American Idol” gets underway tonight.