Well, kids, let’s see what’s going on in the news today:

The city of Albuquerque has decided that supporters of a marijuana decriminalization measure need to have more signatures on their petition than the city had originally told them. OOPS. Too bad the deadline was Monday. And no, they don’t get an extension.

Murderers of a retired educator in Chimayo claim to have held a ‘witchcraft’ ceremony after the killing. Which sounds super creepy, but apparently only involved "wrapping a ribbon in something and putting it in a baggie." I guess it's creepy if the 'something' was an eyeball. But way less creepy if the 'something' was a, I dunno, pencil. Basically, my feelings about this story are dependent on what got wrapped in a ribbon and then put into a baggie.

An Albuquerque man tried to stretch the family food budget by killing, then butchering the family dog. Which was a chihuahua, by the way, which could feed maybe one person? I don't think this guy thought things through.

And the Duke City is due to become the Cake City this weekend. Cake kind of sounds like Duke and it’s the best I could come up with before my coffee hits bottom. Also, I’m still thinking about that witchcraft thing. And the pot thing. And the dog thing. Is there something wrong with the state this week?

A team of surgeons removed 232 teeth from the mouth of a 17-year old boy in India.

Two more mysterious holes leading to the blackest depths of the Earth have opened up in Siberia. Scientists think it’s happening because of an eruption of gas, but the Internet thinks it’s probably mole men.

And Harrison Ford’s ankle injury is probably going to prevent puffins from having sex. Dammit, Harrison Ford. First Indy 4 and now this?

Huning Highland shall not be home to a Subway.

The man who was subjected to an extensive and illegal cavity search courtesy of the Hidalgo County Sheriff's department details his story in a new interview.

Someone threatened to blow up the capital building in Santa Fe.

Naked intruder alert.

Dead Jackass star Ryan Dunn's photo wasn't supposed to be used in this story.

Behold the motorized sneaker/rocket roller skate thingees.

No more Wendy's in Russia.

March of the Juggalos.

The time President Johnson ordered pants.

A satanist group is leveraging the Hobby Lobby decision to challenge "informed consent" laws.

An American Hippie in Israel.

Related Stories

• Crib Notes: July 17, 2014 by August March (7/17/2014)
• Albuquerque Spring: A season of police violence and civil disobedience by David Correia (6/19/2014)
• On Raised Voices and Structural Inequality: APD protest won’t end until justice is served by Benjamin J. George (6/19/2014)
• Speaking Truth to Power: The problem with making your voice heard at City Hall by Samantha Anne Carrillo (6/12/2014)
• Letters: Property Not Psychogeography and more (5/8/2014)
• Letters and Notable Comments: RE: “Dear Mayor Berry, et al.” and much more (5/1/2014)

Happy 100th birthday, World War I.

Massive, explosive decompression brought down MH17.

A tornado hit near Boston.

A lightning storm hit Venice Beach.

I wonder if Palin TV will show Lidsville.

Watch the trailer for the Simpsons/Family Guy crossover episode.

Now worry about kissing-bug disease.

A UFO terrifies Toronto.

Sexual harrassment at Comic-Con exists.

Get ready for the new mass extinction.

Progress Now NM is pushing for $25 fines for marijuana possission.

An Albuquerque hot dog cart was stolen.

What’s happening in Albuquerque today?

Go swimming!

Happy birthday, Steve Morse.

In celebration of its 20th anniversary, the Toadies will perform Rubberneck in its entirety at Sister (407 Central NW) tomorrow night. Lazily categorized as “post-grunge,” the songs that comprise their platinum-selling debut album are more intricate and timeless than this subgenre would suggest. It's a clever balance of slightly progressive roughness with a Southern-fried tinge, all wrapped up in a sinister bow, thanks to the macabre, cerebral lyrics of frontman Vaden Todd Lewis. Without a single weak track, it only seems proper that the album be played front to back. The first two legs of the Rubberneck Anniversary Tour were so well received that a third leg was added with a stop in the Duke City.

The Toadies are still going strong, having released two noteworthy albums since reforming in 2008. In a recent Alibi interview with drummer Mark Reznicek, he touched on the band's signature sound, created by the tendency to veer away from standard 4/4 time. “Initial ideas can sound too straight,” Reznick said, so they'll add a couple beats every few measures to make it interesting. “It can come naturally or by accident,” but the goal is for the listener to “not even know it's odd. If there's away we can screw up a time signature and make it work, we'll explore it.”

Get there early for Ume (pronounced “ooo-may”), a three-piece outfit that joined Toadies and Helmet on a prior tour. Speaking of their front woman and guitarist, Lauren Larson, Reznicek boasts, “You won't believe that all that sound comes from one small lady.” With doctored crap being passed off as music these days, it's easy to become cynical about live music. Rest assured, Toadies will get that vampire blood pumping through your veins, raise the hair on the back of your neck and leave you at the end of it all with a dirty, satisfying feeling. The 21-and-up show costs $20, and the music kicks off at 9pm. Sister • Tue Jul 29 • 9pm • $20 • 21+ • View on Alibi calendar

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• sister
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Jason Lam / CC BY 2.0

In the doldrums of summer, there's a dearth of new sports activity for true diehards to embrace. The NHL and NBA championships have long passed and the NFL season is still months from truly starting. While MLB's All-Star Game just occurred—with a stirring tribute to retiring Yankee Derek Jeter as one of the hallmarks—the season doesn't get really interesting, even for baseball lovers, for at least another month.

However, there are a couple notable events that are worth the sports fan's attention and effort. First of all, the WNBA has taken to branding itself the “Summer Break” of basketball. While condescending in at least one light, the All-Star Game was played just last weekend, with the East winning in overtime. The story behind the game-winner by Tamika Catchings is worth it even for a casual fan: While Catchings had been ruled out of the WNBA season until July 5, she was still voted into the game by fans and hit the crucial layup. The highlights package of the game includes a look at one of the most surefire locks as a future star in the league—All-Star Game MVP Shoni Schimmel. It even features the circus shot in the 4th quarter with 3 minutes remaining that everyone should be—but probably isn't—talking about.

Meanwhile, many Americans still feel the sting of having cared about soccer once a quadrennium. And that oh-so-familiar defeat doesn't hurt any less for being so consistent. So Grantland has published a handy guide on how to continue being a soccer fan in America. This is especially useful so we can hope to avoid another spate of articles in approximately three years and 300 days about how this is finally the World Cup where soccer breaks through in America. The MLS may not have a team in New Mexico, but the PDL does—and there may be some exciting news from the Albuquerque Sol FC coming up soon.

Last but not least, it's never too early, especially in a self-billed fishbowl town like Albuquerque, to think about collegiate sports. With Cameron Bairstow signing a contract to play on the Chicago Bulls with fellow ex-Lobo Tony Snell, there's plenty of reason to believe the Lobos will continue to push out great talent. And the Lobo football team looks to continue their upward swing.

Don't simply satisfy yourself with tracking your next fantasy football team or counting down to baseball's playoffs; enjoy some of the sports that are happening right now.