Thursday 23
“A Chris Isaak Christmas” (KNME-5 9 p.m.) Left to his own devices, I imagine Chris Isaak would spend his Christmas in a dark, smoke-filled lounge off the Vegas strip hitting on some blonde blackjack dealer in a red sequined cocktail dress. Instead, he's performing on stage with Stevie Nicks, Brian McKnight and Michael Bublé.
“A Very Ermy Christmas” (History 9 p.m.) Military man/actor R. Lee Ermy (best known as the terrifying drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket) spends the holiday with our troops overseas. Merry Christmas, you maggots!What is your major malfunction? I'm gonna give you three seconds to wipe that stupid-looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and … well, you get the picture.
Friday 24
See Above.
Saturday 25
“The Walt Disney World Christmas Day Parade” (KOAT-7 11 a.m.) Mickey and the gang tromp around the park with a really weird mix of celebrities, including former Mary Poppins Julie Andrews, sexy “Desperate Housewife” Eva Longoria, one-time “Married … With Children” star Ted McGinley and Patrick Warbuton, who played “Puddy” on Seinfeld.
“Oakland Raiders at Kansas City Chiefs” (KRQE-13 3 p.m.) I have two words of advice for you today: rest and digest. … Here. Have some football and relax.
Sunday 26
Ocean's Eleven (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) In case you missed Clooney, Pitt, Damon, Roberts and the others in their first romp, here's a second chance to catch it before you go see Ocean's Twelve in theaters.
“Mythbusters Christmas Special” (Discovery 8 p.m.) Jamie and Adam put some favorite holiday myths to the test. … Hopefully with destructive results.
Monday 27
“Hell: The Devil's Domain” (History 7 p.m.) Now that we've had our fill of Jesus, we can return to our regularly scheduled lord and master, Satan. This History Channel special traces the evolution of hell, from pre-Biblical views of the afterlife to images of the devil in art and literature to repressed memories of “satanic” abuse to today's officially recognized Church of Satan.
Tuesday 28
The Defiant Ones (TCM 6 p.m.) Apparently, Elvis Presley and Sammy Davis Jr. were the first choices to play the mismatched, chain-linked escaped convicts in this 1958 classic. Much as I'd love to see that unfilmed version, I'm pretty sure Tony Curtis and Sidney Poitier were the better dramatic choices.
Wednesday 29
“The Funniest Commercials of the Year: 2004” (TBS 7 p.m.) Well, it's not exactly the Oscars, but there are some pretty entertaining commercials out there. I'm rooting for Geico myself. Cavemen are funny.
