Thursday 2
“Hit Me Baby One More Time” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) This may very well be the saddest show I've ever witnessed. It's basically a rip-off of “American Idol,” except that all the performers are washed-up pop stars like Loverboy, A Flock of Seagulls, Tiffany, Wang Chung, Tommy Tutone and Vanilla Ice. The audience votes on which one they'd like to see have a career again. The losers will likely drink themselves to death in a Motel 6 shortly afterwards.
“Dan Finnerty and the Dan Band: I Am Woman” (Bravo 9 p.m.) This concert special features the Dan Band (as seen in Old School), an all-male band that plays tunes made popular by female singers like Alanis Morissette.
Friday 3
The Blob (TCM 6 p.m.) Turner Classics continues its tribute to Steve McQueen by digging up his first major starring role as the rebellious monster-fighting teen in this squishy 1958 shocker.
Saturday 4
Bambi (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Disney digs a classic out of the vault and tosses it onto the small screen.
Crimson Force (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) Sci-Fi, on the other hand, drags another stinker out of the basement. I keep promising I'm going to stop making fun of Sci-Fi Channel Original Movies. But when they star the likes of direct-to-video king C. Thomas Howell and “Baywatch” bohunk David Chokachi, how can I resist?
Sunday 5
“59th Annual Tony Awards” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) I don't normally go out of my way to recommend this, but tonight's show is sure to have highlights from Monty Python's Spamalot, which I can assure you is worth the price of admission.
“The 4400” (USA 7 p.m.) USA's hit maxi-series returns for a second season, exploring what happens now that the surprise “truth” about the 4,400 abductees is revealed.
“The Comeback” (HBO 10:30 p.m.) Lisa Kudrow stars in this semi-improvised, pseudo reality series about a former sitcom actress poised to make her big comeback.
Monday 6
“The Scholar” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) In this new reality series, some teenagers move into a “Real World”-style house in Los Angeles where they proceed to buckle down and study in hopes of winning a big college scholarship. That sounds interesting. … No, wait. What's the term I'm looking for? … Really freaking boring! That's it.
“Six Feet Under” (HBO 10 p.m.) HBO's look at life in a funeral parlor returns for another season of angst.
Tuesday 7
“Fire Me, Please” (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) I'm assuming that this summer reality series will suck, just like all the others. But I can't help but find myself vaguely amused by the premise. Two people are given two brand new jobs. Whoever gets fired closest to the show's 3 p.m. target wins.
Wednesday 8
“The Inside” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) Rachel Nichols (The Amityville Horror) stars as a sexy twentysomething blonde who works as an FBI profiler hunting down serial killers. … Aren't all FBI profilers sexy twentysomething blondes? Or have movies and TV lied to me yet again?
