Arts Interview: Fugelsang-A-Lang-A-Lang

Call And Response With John Fugelsang And Danger K. Varoz

Alisa Valdes
4 min read
Comedian John Fugelsang performs at the KiMo Theatre Jan. 12
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Comedian John Fugelsang is best known for his regular segments on the Stephanie Miller progressive talk radio show, where he serves as sort of a liberal Christian voice, and for being part of her Sexy Liberal traveling political comedy tour.

He’s currently on tour with his own comedy show, entitled “Unpresidented: the true story of a comedian trying to raise a toddler while his country was electing one.” Albuquerque’s Tricklock Company is presenting the Albuquerque portion of the tour, at the KiMo Theatre on Jan. 12 at 8pm, as a fundraiser for its Revolutions International Theater Festival.

Fugelsang was traveling at press time and unable to schedule a phone interview with
Weekly Alibi, so we did what poor people always do and got creative. We roped in Albuquerque comedian Danger K. Varoz, to engage in a sort of stream of consciousness exchange with some of Fugelsang’s more controversial ideas or jokes, gleaned from past performances and interviews. That “conversation is what follows.”

Fugelsang: I was in LA, trying to get by, and my girlfriend came in and said I had a phone call. I almost didn’t take it because I was home working on a game show I was pitching, about LA men, called “Gay, or Armenian?”

Danger reacts: If I was living in LA, just trying to get by, and my only prospect was a pitch for a game show, I’d probably take the phone call because statistically a random phone call has a higher chance of making your career than a pitch for a game show does. That’s just math. Speaking of career makers, I can’t imagine a pitch for “Gay, or Armenian?” going well in today’s political climate.

Fugelsang: I’ve come to view Jesus the way I view Elvis. I love the guy, but a lot of his fan club freaks me out.

Danger reacts: Imagine the cult of Elvis enduring for 2,000 years and in the year 4000 AD, which by then would be 2000 AE (after Elvis), intellectuals and scholars are heatedly debating whether Elvis had actually ever even existed. I can see it now: Whereas Jesus’ story is mostly a copy of myths of Horus in Egypt and Dionysys in Greece, Elvis never actually wrote any of his own songs. Coincidence?

Fugelsang: I’m a big fan of Jesus. I don’t know why Republicans don’t just run Jesus for president. Wouldn’t Jesus just be the best Republican candidate ever? Just think. Jesus Christ, a peaceful, radical, nonviolent, revolutionary, who hangs around with lepers, hookers and crooks, who never spoke English, was never an American citizen, anti-capitalism, anti-death penalty, anti-public prayer, Matthew 6:5 is anti-public prayer, but never once anti-gay and didn’t mention abortion and was a long-haired, brown-skinned (it’s in the book!) homeless, Middle Eastern Jew. For president. That guy couldn’t get a job at House of Pancakes.

Danger reacts: This reasoning only applies to Republicans before the time of Trump. Evangelical social conservatives of today, having wholeheartedly endorsed a man who advocates for actual Nazis and aggravated sexual battery, i.e. “pussy grabbing,” would probably also vote for a brown social immigrant as long as he made the right empty promises about the Assyrian Empire paying for a crocodile moat around Babylon. Also, the International House of Pancakes wouldn’t hire Donald Trump, either. If they did I would probably eat there more often. What were we talking about?

Fugelsang: I’m a believer in God, yes. But I don’t think God is an old man with a beard and a penis in the sky, who throws down lightning bolts when he gets moody. You read the Old Testament, it’s like the alcoholic step-God.

Danger reacts: There’s something about imagining that the genitals of their God resemble their own that is comforting to humans. I’m not trying to be judgmental. If we can’t imagine that our gonads are heavenly in origin, then what is the point to living, really? And you know what? I’ve had some amazing role models in alcoholic step-dads: men who were saints compared to my father. I’d rather have a God that drinks 16 Coors Lights and falls down the stairs than a God who pretends that I don’t exist.

ABQ comedian Danger K. Varoz

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