Not Your Grandma'S Guide To Sex

Em And Lo'S Nerve'S Guide To Sex Etiquette

Stephanie Garcia
3 min read
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Em and Lo, youngish femme fatale advice columnists, offer the reader a book that starts off like June Cleaver's guide to sex etiquette then slowly progresses to the type of sex guide that would make even Howard Stern blush. In between, they cover every little intimate detail from the “art of the pickup” to first dates, kisses and very explicit sexual encounters, some of which are too risqué even for the Alibi. Well, all right, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but I'll refrain from describing them anyway.

Although their advice is vivid, colorful and at times even thought provoking, I still don't see how this book can be considered a useful tool. Do we really need a book that tells us how to behave behind closed doors? What ever happened to live and learn? Sure, some of the information is … ahem … informative, but it's not anything that we didn't already know or couldn't have figured out on our own. In fact, anyone with the tiniest shred of commonsense could figure out most of their etiquette tips just by trial and error.

Despite its obvious flaws, the book is still an interesting read. I would suggest getting it for the cheap, deliciously tawdry, I-can't-believe-they-just-said-that descriptions. Chances are, you'll show them to your friends, and laugh and blush like moronic schoolgirls.

In the section for kissing rules, Em and Lo say, “Do not open your mouth so much wider than your partners that it appears that you are trying to eat their head. Kissing is not a Mick Jagger impersonation contest.” Such offbeat wit often makes the reader want to continue reading just to find out what they'll say next.

Another prime piece of advice: “A note to the ladies: Do not always rely on the gentleman to make the first move. Life is too short and its opportunities too agreeable for a girl to wallow in other people's sexist traditions. Such blind reliance on these traditions denotes a person who is true to antiquated convention rather than to herself.”

Amen, sister!

The above quotes are perhaps the cleanest in the whole book. Dirtier topics covered include polite names for the genitals, orgy etiquette, booty call etiquette, fetishes, fantasies, kinky sex etiquette, dealing with exes, sharing friends, roommate sex, etc.

Em and Lo certainly prove that they're no prudes and that, for them at least, nothing is taboo when it comes to sex. Even if you're sucked into the book at first, chances are you'll grow tired and start to have flashbacks from health class.

Perhaps it was my curiosity that sparked my interest in Sex Etiquette, but I now know that there is definitely such a thing as too much information. Em and Lo's sex guide is one sure way to take the fun out of discovery.

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