Idiot Box: The Critics’ Choice Movie Awards, Sexting In Suburbia And The “World’s Smallest Storm Chaser”

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 12

“The Finder” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) From the creators of “Bones” comes this “quirky” procedural about an Iraq War vet (Geoff Stults) who … finds stuff.

“17 th Annual Critics’ Choice Movie Awards” (VH1 6 p.m.) Awards season continues with the professional film critics weighing in.

“¡Rob!” (KRQE-13 7:30 p.m.) Somebody gave Rob Schneider a sitcom.

Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory (HBO 7 p.m.) Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky’s long-running documentary series continues, unearthing new DNA evidence about the teenagers convicted in the Robin Hood Hills murders.

Friday 13

“Blade” (G4 9 p.m.) Following in the footsteps of fellow Marvel Comics heroes Iron Man and Wolverine, vampire-killer Blade gets the anime treatment.

House (Hausu) (TCM midnight) This 1977 ghost story is arguably one of the most Looney Tunes horror films ever made. Even for Japan, this tale of decapitated ghosts, evil cats and a group of goofball teenagers is bat-crap crazy. Needless to say, it’s a must-not-miss!

Saturday 14

Sexting in Suburbia (Lifetime 6 p.m.) Parents, still not terrified of your teenagers? Well, sit down and let Lifetime scare the crap out of you. Did you know your kids are sexting ? Right now. Probably with convicted felons? It’s true.

“The 2012 Miss America Pageant” (KOAT-7 8 p.m.) Wins my vote for the least relevant cultural institution left in America, barely edging out the still-active Prohibition Party. (They earned 653 votes in the 2008 presidential election.)

“The Fades” (BBC America 7 p.m.) The BBC’s newest Sci-Fi Saturday offering is this apocalyptic drama about a teenager who can see dead people. Very pissed-off dead people.

Sunday 15

“Napoleon Dynamite” (KASA-2 7:30 p.m.) FOX continues the march toward Animation Domination by turning the hit 2004 film into a cartoon.

“World’s Smallest Storm Chaser” (TLC 8 p.m.) Hats off to you, TLC. They said it couldn’t be done: combining two of your most random docu-reality series ideas. But you did it. Little people and storm chasing. Kudos. The sky’s the limit now. Extreme couponing Gypsies? Tattooers with too many kids? Polygamist Police Women of Broward County?

Monday 16

“Alcatraz” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Inmates disappear from Alcatraz in 1963, reappear in 2012. Detectives try to figure out WTF.

“Betty White’s 90 th Birthday: A Tribute to America’s Golden Girl” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Spanking tunnel!

“Lost Girl” (Syfy 8 p.m.) You know those books where the fairies have sex with the werewolves? Or the angels have sex with the vampires? Syfy finally gets around to jumping on that trend.

Tuesday 17

“Remodeled” (The CW 8 p.m.) Seems to me The CW has already aired like 8,000 shows about runway models. But that can’t be right, can it?

“Ink Master” (Spike 8 p.m.) A reality show competition for tattoo artists? You’re gonna have to try a lot harder than that, Spike.

“Ragin’ Cajuns” (Discovery 9 p.m.) So now: reality shows about people in Louisiana. So five minutes ago: reality shows about people in New Jersey.

Wednesday 18

“American Idol” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) After 11 seasons on the air, there isn’t much left to say about new episodes of “American Idol.” So …
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