Week In Sloth

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 14

“The Office” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) This year’s office Christmas party promises to be no better than last year’s. It’s is, however, directed by Harold Ramis (director of Caddyshack , writer/star of Ghostbusters , creator of Groundhog Day ). So odds are high it’s gonna be funny.

“The O.C.” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) So, lemme get this straight: Tonight’s Chrismukkah episode features an alternate universe tale answering the burning question, “What if Ryan had never come to the O.C.?” … Sorry, I got momentarily distracted there pondering what if the Fresh Prince had never come to Bel Air.

Friday 15

“Battlestar Galactica” (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) The humans discover a vital clue to the location of Earth–as do the Cylons–in the show’s fall season finale. Don’t panic. It’ll be back (on Sundays!) very soon.

Saturday 16

It’s a Wonderful Life (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Start pressing random buttons on your TV remote now. Punch the correct one and you’ll find the SAP (Second Audio Program) for this holiday classic. In it, George W. Bush’s daddy (he was once president, too, you know) voices the descriptive telecast for the blind. … For some reason I’m now picturing George W. being taken on a magical tour by Clarence the Angel showing what the world would be like if he hadn’t invaded Iraq.

“Cops: Ho! Ho! Ho! Special Edition” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) I’ll give you a clue about tonight’s theme: Santa Claus does not make an appearance.

Love’s Abiding Joy (Hallmark 7 p.m.) Think “Little House on the Prairie,” only with 58 percent more Jesus.

Sunday 17

“Dexter” (Showtime 9 p.m.) The season ends for America’s favorite serial killer with Dexter (Michael C. Hall) facing off against his arch enemy, the Ice Truck Killer. How festive!

Monday 18

“Identity” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) NBC kicks off a weeklong “special event” with this blatant ripoff of “What’s My Line?” Basically, contestants try to guess people’s occupations based on looks alone. If you get, like, 50 guesses right, you win a million dollars. Host Penn Jillette deserves better.

Tuesday 19

“I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) This 2003 seasonal special doesn’t have nearly the staying power of the classic cartoons. Still, it’s Peanuts.

Wednesday 20

“Unique Whips” (Speed 8 p.m.) Tonight, author Tom Wolfe shows up to have his white Cadillac pimped-out with an all-white interior. … Honest, I didn’t make this up. Next week, Thomas Pynchon has his ’76 Firebird Trans Am pinstriped. (Now, that one I made up.)
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