Week In Sloth

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 19

Coffin Joe Trilogy (IFC 7 p.m.) Nutty ’60s Brazilian filmmaker José Mojica Marins wrote, directed, produced and starred in a whole mess of insane horror films. His most famous were the Zé do Caixāo (Coffin Joe) films, a bizarre mix of old-fashioned spookhouse melodrama and sincere blasphemous depravity. Tonight, IFC opens up the vault and unleashes a triple shot featuring At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul (1964), This Night I Will Possess Your Corpse (1967) and Awakening of the Beast (1970). These will change your life. Seriously.

Friday 20

Mom, Wife, Bounty Hunter” (WE 7 p.m.) This new reality series follows a woman who fulfills the three titular conditions. … Although, I’m thinking if A&E’s Dog the Bounty Hunter gets sent to jail in Mexico, he might end up as somebody’s wife, thereby covering two out of three.

Saturday 21

The States” (History 8 p.m.) With this new 10-part series, the History Channel takes us on a cross-country virtual-reality tour, checking in on the people, places and history of our 50 United States. Tonight: California, North Carolina, Kansas, New Hampshire and West Virginia. Sunflower State fans, set your TiVos!

Sunday 22

The 5 th Annual TV Land Awards” (TV Land 7 p.m.) Kelly Ripa hosts this salute to the best moments in television history—which is a little like having Rob Schneider host the Oscars. Still, where else can you get away with saluting “Roots” and “Hee Haw” in the same night?

“Sherman’s March” (History 7 p.m.) In the North, General Tecumseh Sherman is celebrated as the man whose unstoppable sojourn into Confederate territory helped win the Civil War. In the South … not so much.

The Apprentice” (KOB-4 9 p.m.) Ooh, I’m so excited. Tonight, we get to find out who the new apprentice is! … Seriously, given this show’s pathetic ratings and the fact that Donald Trump is now hanging out with the WWE’s Vince McMahon looking for publicity, contestants might be better off just going with that internship at Home Depot.

Monday 23

The Real Wedding Crashers” (KOB-4 9 p.m.) Stealing its title from a movie that was popular two summers ago and its premise from MTV’s “Punk’d,” this chintzy new reality series has folks playing elaborate pranks at their weddings. (Imagine, if you will, endless footage of large cakes being dropped.)

Tuesday 24

Hawaiian Tropic International Beauty Pageant”/“Ujena Bikini Jam” (KASY-50 7/8 p.m.) Honestly, MyNetworkTV, I expected better of you at this stage of the game. … Oh, wait. No, I didn’t.

Wednesday 25

American Idol” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Celebrities Kelly Clarkson, Gwen Stefani, Josh Groban, Pink, Il Divo, Hugh Grant and Borat show up to help raise money for charity. … That’s nice and all, “American Idol,” but you’re still a pimple on the ass of popular culture.

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