Week In Sloth

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 31

“Lost” (KOAT-7 8 p.m.) After the brilliant mindbleep of last season’s cliffhanger, “Lost” returns with the promise of more unexpected plot twists and more spilled secrets. Of course, the new truncated season is even more truncated (eight episodes out of an expected 16) thanks to the Writers Guild strike, meaning you shouldn’t set you sights for resolution too high.

“Eli Stone” (KOAT-7 9 p.m.) I’m not sure what to think about his new drama/comedy about a California lawyer (Jonny Lee Miller) who thinks he may be a prophet based on a series of hallucinatory miracles, many of which involve singer George Michael. Think “Ally McBeal” crossed with “John From Cincinnati.”

Friday 1

“Level 9” (Sci-Fi 1 p.m.) Fans of this obscuro single-season 2000-01 UPN series about computer hackers (a slim group, I’ll grant) will no doubt be excited to hear about this unaired “lost” episode.

Saturday 2

“AKC/Eukanuba National Championship 2008” (Discovery/Animal Planet 7 p.m.) To hell with Republicans vs. Democrats and Patriots vs. Giants. Today is weimaraners vs. basenjis.

Sunday 3

“Puppy Bowl IV” (Animal Planet 1 p.m.) Frolicking puppies! Who are you to resist?

“Super Bowl XLII” (KASA-2 4 p.m.) Just a word of warning: If you tune in before the game starts, you might be forced to watch Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul sing.

“CBS Reports: Two Years with the Iowa National Guard” (KRQE-13 6 p.m.) Some counterprogramming in case you love the military but hate football.

“Spike’s MLE Chowdown Championship” (Spike 6:30 p.m.) Joey Chestnut, Patrick Bertoletto and “Eater X” compete in a ham-and-eggs-devouring showdown during Super Bowl half-time. This should make you feel better about all that queso you just downed.

Monday 4

“Welcome to the Captain” (KRQE-13 7:30 p.m.) CBS’ new sitcom takes us to a legendary Hollywood apartment building peopled with eccentric types including Jeffrey Tambor, Chris Klein and Raquel Welch.

“Paradise Hotel 2” (KASY-12 8 p.m.) Dear God in Heaven, it’s back! After five years in the grave, the sleaziest reality show FOX ever broadcast has been pumped full of penicillin and dumped onto MyNet. A more explicit TV-MA version will be broadcast later the same night on FOX Reality Channel.

Tuesday 5

“Super Tuesday–Showdown: Coast to Coast” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) ABC wins the overkill prize, providing full prime-time coverage of today’s primaries. NBC and CBS devote just an hour to the event at 8 p.m., with NBC sandwiching it between (appropriately enough) two episodes of “The Biggest Loser.”

Wednesday 6

“America’s Ballroom Challenge” (KNME-5 7 p.m.) If you’ve got the DTs due to a lack of “Dancing With the Stars” and “So You Think You Can Dance,” you could always get a quick hit of PBS’ dancing competition. … Or you could get a life.

“Lingerie Secrets Revealed” (WE 8 p.m.) Wait. There are lingerie secrets that have yet to be revealed to women ? I don’t know why, but that worries me.
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