Week In Sloth

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 17

“Survivor: Palau” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) In any other context, dumping 20 strangers on a deserted island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean would be irresponsible and criminal. Capture it on videotape, however, and you've got a new season of reality TV.

Friday 18

“AKC National Agility Championship” (Animal Planet 9 p.m.) Ever sit at home on your sofa watching professional sports and start to realize how old and pathetic you are? Well, try watching dogs perform assorted feats of athletic prowess. If I could run through a tunnel and catch a Frisbee like these mutts, I wouldn't need to drive to the mailbox.

Saturday 19

School of Life (ABC Family 6 p.m.) A hip new teacher (Ryan Reynolds) and a crusty old colleague (David Paymer) compete for the same teaching award in this made-for-TV yuk-fest.

Ladies Night (USA 7 p.m.) Colin Ferguson (“Coupling”) and Paul Michael Glaser (“Starsky & Hutch”) star in this crime thriller about an insurance investigator hunting down a serial killing con man who seduces and kills female bank employees. … Wow. Starsky.

Sunday 20

Stone Cold (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) Tom Selleck (“Magnum P.I.”) stars in this adaptation of the Robert B. Parker novel about a small-town police chief investigating a series of grisly crimes. … Wow. Magnum P.I.

“Live from New York: The First Five Years of Saturday Night Live” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) This two-hour special interviews the stars, musicians and producers behind the tumultuous early years of “SNL.” … You know, back when it was funny.

Monday 21

“Birth Day Live” (Discovery Health Channel 11 a.m.) There are two kinds of people in this world: those who will find 12 hours worth of live baby births from around the world beautiful and life-affirming, and those who will be grossed out at least once today as they flip past DHC on their way to “Extreme Volleyball.”

“CSI: Miami” (KRQE-13 8:30 p.m.) It's Sweeps Month, and that means guest stars, stunts and extended episodes galore! Tonight's episode of “CSI: Miami,” for example, runs for 90 minutes. Apparently there's a killer on the loose or something. It's such a difficult case that it will take David Caruso and the gang slightly more than 60 minutes to crack it.

Tuesday 22

“One Day at a Time Reunion” (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) For all my unrequited love of all things pop cultural, I really have no burning nostalgia for this 1975-85 sitcom starring Bonnie Franklin, Valerie Bertinelli, Mackenzie Phillips and Pat Harrington. Ever since Valerie divorced Eddie Van Halen, the bloom has sorta been off the rose.

Wednesday 23

“Project Runway” (Bravo 7 p.m.) Tonight's season finale will decide who the best new fashion designer in America is. … Imagine if the winner could hook up with America's Top Model … and swap wives … on a deserted island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. … Man, that would be some sweet reality.

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