Week In Sloth

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 31

"The Real Housewives of Atlanta" (Bravo 10 p.m.) First it was the real housewives of Orange County. Then it moved to New York City. Now the fake-breasted Bravo reality show heads to Atlanta, and word is the homemaking ladies of New Jersey are in talks for their own series. Which means it won’t be long before we’re in "The Real Housewives Pensacola" territory. Just you wait and see.

"U.S. Senior Open Golf Championship" (ESPN 11 a.m.) And you thought watching televised golf was boring before

"X Games 14" (ESPN 7 p.m.) Once Grandpa’s sound asleep in his Laz-E-Boy (should happen around Hour Three of the "U.S. Senior Open Golf Championship"), ESPN switches over to the fast-paced, vertigo-inducing world of extreme action sports. The X Games will continue to grind out skateboarding, motocross, surfing and BMX competitions through Aug. 3. But don’t wake Grandpa.

Friday 1

"Doctor Who"(Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) Russell T. Davies’ revamped time-traveling Doctor hangs up his scarf for the season with a huge (90 minutes!) finale.

Saturday 2

"COPS" (KASA-2 7 p.m.) What better way to fire off a few celebratory rounds for 20 years on air than an all-pullovers edition of "COPS"? Well, actually, I can think of a few, since virtually all the episodes of "COPS" start by pulling someone over. That’s where the trouble begins.

Fab Five: The Texas Cheerleader Scandal (Lifetime 7 p.m.) Based on "real events" wherein cheerleaders drank, skipped class and generally ran amok in a Dallas suburb. For this they get a Lifetime original movie? If you were wondering what troubled former child star Tatum O’Neal (Oscar-winning Paper Moon , various narcotics busts) has been up to, take a good look.

Sunday 3

"Design Star" (HGTV 7 p.m.) No doubt about it, this has been the best season of “Design Star” yet. Will it be blonde, creative-painter Jennifer or bald, carpenter-genius Matt? America decides tonight. (Please, America, let it be Matt.)

Monday 4

"I Want to Work for Diddy" (VH1 7 p.m.) Yeah, who wouldn’t clamor for the chance to work for the most self-absorbed ("I go from Harlem to the Hamptons, and the next minute I could be in London about to have tea with the Queen"), self-hyping ("I’m one of the world’s most respected designers") yet talentless ("I’m an aspiring actor") celebrity in America? This from a man who can claim, "When I’m working, I don’t look at other people like they are human," followed immediately by "I sometimes feel sorry for people who don’t work for me, because they’re not having as much fun."

Wednesday 6

"MythBusters: Exploding Steak" (Discovery 7 p.m.) You know, because there’s that one urban legend about the exploding steak? … Wait, no. No, there isn’t. But exploding steak still sounds watch-a-licious.

—Laura Marrich
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