Thursday 3
“Assembling Robots: The Magic, The Music and the Comedy” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) A.K.A. “FOX Dumped a Whole Lot of Money Into This Robots Cartoon and We Really Need for You to See It!”
“Celebrity Pool” (Bravo 8 p.m.) Sure, we all love our celebrities. But I've gotta say there's a limit to what we'll actually tune in to watch celebrities do. Celebrity boxing? Definitely. Celebrity poker? Probably. Celebrity pool? Gotta say you're pushing it. When they get down to celebrity dishwashing, we'll know they've gone too far.
Friday 4
“The Dark Side of Chimps” (National Geographic 8 p.m.) Wow, it didn't take long for the National Geographic Channel to slide into tabloid-style journalism, slandering the good name of everyone's favorite primates. I hear they have footage of Bubbles attacking paparazzi outside of The Viper Room.
Saturday 5
“Funny Blokes of British Comedy” (KNME-5 6 p.m.) PBS pays tribute to England's greatest comedians with clips from classic BBC comedies. John Cleese, Rowan Atkinson and John Inman are among the honored. … Me, I'm just waiting for the big Benny Hill salute.
Skeleton Man (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) A group of well-armed Special Forces agents (including Michael Rooker and Casper Van Dien) battle an evil, undead Native American who wiped out his entire tribe centuries ago. Somehow, I don't see the pueblos appreciating this one.
Sunday 6
“The Starlet” (KWBQ-19 7 p.m.) Here's my list of the worst jobs to have in the 21st century: casting agent, headhunter, human resources, employment agent, basically anyone involved in the field of hiring. According to my estimate, 75 percent of the jobs in America–from actors to CEOs to boxers to fashion designers to models–will be filled via cheesy TV reality shows by the year 2015.
“Deadwood” (HBO 10 p.m.) Saloon-owning c*&#@$%!r Al Swearingen goes moustache-to-moustache with adulterous Sheriff Seth Bullock in the season premiere of HBO's brutally realistic western. I can't f*&#ing wait!
Monday 7
“The Contender” (KOB-4 8:30 p.m.) Sylvester Stallone is probably praying like hell that his boxing reality series catches a bit of tailwind from Million Dollar Baby's recent Oscar win. Otherwise it's going to end up like The Next Great Champ, FOX's badly aborted attempt at creating the exact same show. My prediction? Knockout in four weeks.
“Fat Actress” (Showtime 11 p.m.) You gotta give credit to Kirstie Alley for her clever and entirely self-conscious comeback attempt. Here, she finally unveils her new sitcom, a self-referential, partially improvised Hollywood satire inspired by “The Larry Sanders Show.”
Tuesday 8
“The Undetectables” (Discovery 7 p.m.) Discovery's new documentary/reality show teaches us just how disgusting we really are on a microscopic/biological/bacteriological level. In tonight's episode, the team uses science to expose just how filthy a pack of frat boys are. Gross, but engrossing.
Wednesday 9
“South Park” (Comedy Central 11 p.m.) The ninth season of “South Park” gets underway tonight. It's not quite “The Simpsons,” but it's still a pretty impressive record for an animated show.
