Week In Sloth

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 18

“Million Dollar Password” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) Tonight’s celebrity roster includes William Shatner and Aisha Tyler.

“Pig Bomb” (Discovery 8 p.m.) Yeah, I’m not even going to bother finding out what this Discovery Channel special entails. I’m sure it’s so much better in my mind.

“Moral Orel” (Cartoon Network 1:30 a.m.) After 40-odd increasingly dark and demented episodes, CN’s “Davey and Goliath” parody signs off.

Friday 19

The Face of Another (IFC 10 p.m.) IFC digs up this morbid and surreal 1966 Japanese sci-fi-ish flick about a businessman who loses his face in an explosion and has it replaced with a lifelike mask, which radically alters his personality.

Saturday 20

Christmas in Wonderland (ABC Family 6 p.m.) Sadly, not the one with the Tin Woodsman and the Cowardly Lion, but a giant Canadian shopping mall in which three kids basically re-enact “Home Alone.” Patrick Swayze, Tim Curry, Carmen Electra and Chris Kattan join in the shenanigans.

“WWE Tribute to the Troops” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) Nothing says, “Our heartfelt thanks for your sacrifice to this country in the name of freedom and democracy” than a 911 chokeslam to the canvas.

Sunday 21

Disney Live Action Marathon (TCM 10 a.m.) TCM basically recreates my entire childhood with an all-day marathon of The Black Hole, Escape to Witch Mountain, Return From Witch Mountain, Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Candleshoe and Freaky Friday. It’s all topped off with the brand new documentary Age of Believing: The Disney Live Action Classics at 9:45 p.m.

Caddyshack (Golf Channel 7 p.m.) On the Golf Channel? God, it’s almost poetry.

Monday 22

My Zinc Bed (HBO 6 p.m.) An alcoholic poet has an affair with his boss’ wife. Based on the David Hare play. Starring Paddy Consadine, Uma Thurman and Jonathan Pryce. Sounds cheerful.

“Today Looks Back 2008: A Holiday Special” (NBC 7 p.m.) NBC’s “Today Show” looks back on a year of Clay Aiken performances, prostate exam urgings and cupcake recipes.

“Runaway Squad” (A&E 8 p.m.) I thought this said “Runway Squad” and imagined a whole action series about underwear-models-by-day/elite-commandos-by-night. Nope. It’s a reality series about detectives who look for runaways. … Should have left this the same place I did “Pig Bomb.”

Tuesday 23

“X-Play 2009 Preview Special” (G4 6 p.m.) Please, G4, give us a compelling reason to waste our life on video games in the coming year.

“Funniest Commercials of the Year 2008” (TBS 7 p.m.) Fine. At least until that talking, puking, stock-purchasing baby shows up.

“Rediscovered” (KOAT-7 8 p.m.) Donny and Marie Osmond host this new reality special in which failed former child star wannabes are located through their old audition tapes and given a second shot at fame–now that they’re all grown up and bitter, that is.

Wednesday 24

It’s a Wonderful Life (KOB-4 7 p.m.) You’ve got to–it’s Christmas Eve, people.
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