Week In Sloth

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 25

“Driving Me Mad” (TRU 9 p.m.) Road-raging motorists get coaching from safe-driving expert Pete Hosmer. He’s like the Dog Whisperer, only with jerks who own SUVs.

Friday 26

Mighty Peking Man (IFC 10 p.m.) From 1977 comes one of the greatest, weirdest Hong Kong movies ever shot. Adventurer Danny Lee (later in John Woo’s The Killer ) discovers a giant ape in the jungle, plus an insanely hot half-naked German girl (Evelyne Kraft). He takes them both back to civilization. The ape doesn’t adjust so well. Neither does the girl, but at least she doesn’t start tearing down skyscrapers.

Blood Freak (TCM midnight) Holy cow! For the day after Christmas, there are some mighty crazy films on offer. Here we have the answer to that age-old question, “What if a group of Jesus-loving filmmakers set out to make a message-heavy drive-in exploitation film about drug-crazed hippies terrorized by a mutated half-man/half-turkey monster?”

Saturday 27

“Smile, You’re Under Arrest!” (FOX Reality 5 p.m.) Cops arrest fugitives by inviting them to fake gatherings like fashion shows and auctions.

A Kiss at Midnight (Hallmark 7 p.m.) Faith Ford (from “Murphy Brown” waaay back when) stars as a matchmaker who vows to find herself a New Year’s date. Dyan Cannon and Hal Linden are in it, too, making this a fine game of “Try to Remember the Actor.”

Sunday 28

The Sound of Music (KOAT-7 6 p.m.) A perennial favorite of families and lazy network programming executives looking to fill a four-hour chunk of airtime over the holidays.

Monday 29

“Le Cirque: A Table in Heaven” (HBO 6 p.m.) See what goes on behind the scenes at one of New York’s most iconic restaurants. … And pray that Gordon Ramsay doesn’t show up.

“Greatest Holiday Moments: Hilarious Home Video Countdown” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Any way you choose to package it up, it boils down to Christmas trees falling over and kids screaming on Santa’s lap.

“Bromance” (MTV 7 p.m.) Paris Hilton got her own MTV reality show looking for a new BFF, so why can’t “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” background filler Brody Jenner? … I mean, I can come up with a lot of reasons if you really need them.

“The City” (MTV 11 p.m.) Oh, dear God in Heaven, do we really need another spin-off of “The Hills”?

“Seven Deadly Sins: Lust” (History 7 p.m.) History Channel spends seven nights tracing the origins of the Seven Deadly Sins. At least they have the good grace to start with my favorite.

Tuesday 30

“Happy New Year, Charlie Brown” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Enjoy it while you can, C.B., because after this late-in-the-game holiday special, you’re stuck headlining “What the Hell Is Kwanzaa, Charlie Brown?”

“31 st Kennedy Center Honors” (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) Keep your fingers crossed for an evening-ending George Jones/Barbra Streisand/Pete Townsend/Roger Daltry jam. With choreography by Twyla Tharp.

Wednesday 31

See Idiot Box.
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