Week In Sloth

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 16

“The 61 st Annual Primetime Emmy Awards Nominations” (E! 6:40 a.m.) What’s more exciting than finding out who won “Outstanding Host for a Reality Show or Reality Competition”? Listening to someone read a list of this year’s nominees in that category! At 6:40 in the morning!

“J.K. Rowling: A Year in the Life” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) “June 12, 2009: Woke up stinking rich this morning. … June 13, 2009: Still stinking rich. Think I’ll buy Albania.”

Friday 17

“Catch It Keep It” (Science 8 p.m.) Discovery Science’s new invention-based gameshow challenges welders/scientists/mechanics/carpenters to build assorted contraptions to “save” the show’s big prize (a nice scooter, for example) from the evil Engineer of Destruction.

Saturday 18

“Dirty Sexy Money” (KOAT-7 9 p.m.) Networks continue to pull their canceled shows out for one final summer airing. Here, ABC’s witty, soap-styled drama comes out of hiatus to burn off its final episodes.

Sunday 19

Labor Pains (ABC Family 6 p.m.) Have you wondered in the past couple of years what Lindsay Lohan actually does for a living? Well, here you go: a comedy about a publishing company employee who fakes a pregnancy so she won’t get fired that has been released direct to basic cable.

“2009 ESPY Awards” (ESPN 7 p.m.) It’s like the Tonys, but for straight guys.

“TV Land Prime Presents the AFI Life Achievement Award” (TV Land 7 p.m.) Michael Douglas proves it’s not all about the nepotism.

“Pawn Star$” (History 8: 02 p.m.) History Channel gets into the “ordinary working slobs with a docureality show” genre with this one about a family-owned pawn shop in Las Vegas, Nev. Well, it’s a marginally more historical career than repossessing cars, anyway.

Monday 20

Torchwood: Children of Earth (BBC America 7 p.m.) BBC’s popular sci-fi series (think “X-Files” with bigger weapons, weirder monsters and a hell of a lot more sex) returns with an extended, five-night miniseries. In it, aliens invade Earth by taking possession of Earth’s children. Aliens and creepy kids? I’m sold!

“Dating in the Dark” (ABC 9:02 p.m.) This new dating/competition/whatever show has participants going on dates … you know, in the dark . That way they can’t see if their date is hot or not. This sounds like less of a fully formed TV show concept and more of a lame excuse to employ all those infrared cameras ABC’s got sitting around the newsroom.

Tuesday 21

“Ruby & The Rockits” (ABC Family 7 p.m.) An irresponsible ’80s pop star (former Partridge Family member David Cassidy) pops in on his brother’s family looking for help raising his newfound teenage daughter (Alexa Vega from Repo! The Genetic Opera ).

“The Colony” (Discovery 8:05 p.m.) Ten volunteers/contestants arrive in an “experimental, post-apocalyptic world” where they must secure food, water and shelter in order to survive. … When do the leather-clad punk rock mutants arrive?

Wednesday 22

“Over a Barrel: The Truth About Oil” (KOAT-7 9 p.m.) It’s made from dinosaurs . Keep it under your hat.
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