Week In Sloth

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 22

“The Jeff Dunham Show” (Comedy Central 10 p.m.) According to my sources, Jeff Dunham is incredibly popular—for a ventriloquist, anyway. That’s apparently why Comedy Central gave him his own TV show.

“It Only Hurts When I Laugh” (truTV 8 p.m.) Alternate title: “America’s Funniest Home Videos, Version 79.”

“Ultimate Parkour Challenge” (MTV 11 p.m.) Suddenly, television has realized that the urban sport of parkour—which blew up some time back in 2003—actually exists. Hey, better late than never, TV.

Friday 23

My Super Psycho Sweet 16 (MTV 11 p.m.) How big of a spoiled brat do you have to be to rate an entire two-hour movie spin-off of MTV’s tantrum-filled reality show?

“White Collar” (USA 8 p.m.) Matt Bomer (“Traveler, “Chuck”) borrows Leonardo DiCaprio’s character from Catch Me If You Can to star in this new crime/comedy series about a charming young con man who—in true Hollywood fashion—gets a job offer from the FBI instead of prison time.

Pretty Poison (TCM 12:15 a.m.) Anthony Perkins stars in this awesome, odd cult item from 1968 as a fantasy-addled juvenile delinquent who convinces a sexy teenager (Tuesday Weld) that he’s a secret agent—which is all well and good until she proves to be way more nutso than him.

Saturday 24

Bon Jovi: When We Were Beautiful (Showtime 7 p.m.) Sure, Jon, the ladies thought your hair looked good on the 45 sleeve for “Runaway” back in 1984—but do you really want to go with the adjective “beautiful”?

Sunday 25

“Barclaycard World Freerun Championships 2009” (G4 7 p.m.) See! What did I tell you? G4 goes with the more Anglicized “freerun” rather than “parkour,” but it still boils down to a bunch of skater dudes hopping around a parking garage without their boards.

“Werewolves: The Dark Survivors” (Animal Planet 7 p.m.) I realize Halloween is coming soon, but aren’t you pushing your network theme a bit far, Animal Planet, with this “documentary” about the natural history of lycanthropes?

Monday 26

“No Excuses With Master P” (VH1 8:30 p.m.) If I said I just wasn’t interested in a show in which rap mogul Master P makes over people’s lives, “Extreme Makeover”-style, would that count as an excuse?

Tuesday 27

“BET Hip-Hop Awards ’09” (BET 6 p.m.) BET salutes 2009’s best hip-hop music.

“Scream 2009” (Spike 8 p.m.) Spike salutes 2009’s best horror films. Unlike the Hip-Hop Awards, this one has a statue for Best Scream Queen. … Come to think of it, the Hip-Hop Awards might have that, too.

Wednesday 28

“World Series Game 1” (KASA-2 5:30 p.m.) Hey, batter-batter-batter, swiiiiiiing !

“Monsters vs. Aliens: Mutant Pumpkins From Outer Space” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) The CGI monsters from Monsters vs. Aliens come to the small screen to fight holiday-themed space invaders. By sheer coincidence, Monsters vs. Aliens just came out on DVD and Blu-Ray.
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