Thursday 22
“Studio 7” (KWBQ-19 8 p.m.) Wow, this is a dumb idea for a TV show. It combines elements of the game show and reality show genre. It's basically just another trivia quiz show, except that cameras shadow contestants forced to live together in a house for several days before the show. What's next, an evening news show where squabbling anchorpeople are forced to live in a house together during the day? … Damn, I'm gonna have to sue FOX over that in a couple weeks now, aren't I?
Friday 23
“Weird Nature” (Animal Planet 7 p.m.) Tonight's show focuses on the effects of drugs and alcohol on certain animals. … If I've told those damn beavers once, I've told them a thousand times: Just say no!
Saturday 24
“World Bartending Championships” (Food Network 7 p.m.) Tom Cruise in Cocktail ain't got nothing on these booze-slingers.
Tremors 4: The Legend Begins (Sci-Fi Channel 8 p.m.) Ever wonder where all those big-ass worms in Tremors came from? This newest movie sequel travels back to the 1800s to answer the question, who was the first fella to ever tussle with them Graboids?
Justice League: Starcrossed (Cartoon Network 8:30 p.m.) This feature animated film–cobbled together from three episodes of the series–finds a fleet of warriors from Hawkgirl's home planet invading Earth and declaring marital law. Needless to say, Superman and the crew aren't too happy about it.
Sunday 25
Belly of the Beast (USA 5 p.m.) Gosh, it's been like a whole month since we saw a cheesy Steven Seagal movie on USA. I, myself, was going through withdrawal. In this one, Seagal plays–you guessed it!–an ex-CIA agent who travels to Thailand to rescue his daughter who's been kidnapped by evil Muslim terrorists.
“Dead Like Me” (Showtime 9 p.m.) Showtime's witty post-mortem comedy returns for another season of grim reaping.
Monday 26
“The Democratic National Convention” (KNME-5 7 p.m.) ABC, NBC and CBS give token one-hour coverage to the opening night of the Democratic National Convention. (Gotta make room for those “Fear Factor” reruns, you know.) PBS at least devotes a couple hours to the event. Of course, if you wanna do democracy crazy, MSNBC and CSPAN have all-night satellite feeds.
Tuesday 27
“The Last Comic Standing” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) Eliminated comics return in a shocking (not really) “wild card” twist for the final five. … I just wonder how a show that now actively encourages backstabbing, lying, secret alliances and bitter onscreen feuds is supposed to find the “funniest” person in America.
Wednesday 28
“Amish in the City” (UPN 7 p.m.) Believe it or not, UPN's newest reality series ships a bunch of Amish teenagers off to an apartment in New York City for the ultimate in culture shock. Watch as sheltered, God-fearing kids are befuddled by such modern conveniences as toasters and strip clubs. Hijinks ensue!
