Week In Sloth

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 12

“Celebrity Poker Showdown” (Bravo 7 p.m.) If I was a betting man (and I must be, since I watch this show), I'd say musician Dave Navarro has a pretty good shot at taking home the gold chip in tonight's series three showdown. You know he's a lucky guy. I mean, he's married to Carmen Electra.

“The First Olympian” (Discovery 8 p.m.) Olympic fever continues with Discovery Channel traveling back in time to find out how the very first Olympic athletes lived, trained and worshipped back in 500 B.C.

Friday 13

“Man vs. Beast 1 & 2” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) FOX, desperately searching for the low road, counterprograms the opening ceremonies of the 2004 Summer Olympics with a rerun of two TV specials in which human beings compete against animals. Until you've seen midgets race a horse, you haven't seen sports excellence, my friend.

“AFI's 100 Years … 100 Songs” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) CBS just comes right out and says, “Are you gay? Do you hate sports? Then tune into the American Film Institute's song-and-dance-filled tribute to the movie musical.

“Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends” (Cartoon Network 8:30 p.m.) This inventive new series by “Powerpuff Girls” creator Craig McCracken takes us to a foster home for imaginary creatures who have been given up by their too-mature creators. A three-episode pilot movie kicks off the series.

Saturday 14

“NFL Preseason Football: Raiders at 49ers”/”NFL Preseason Football: Cowboys at Texans” (KWBQ-19 6 p.m./KASY-12 6 p.m.) Well, there isn't any football (American style, that is) in the Olympics, so why not? Not that Americans wouldn't appreciate seeing football among the Olympic games. (Hey, free medal!)

Sunday 15

“2004 National Hardware Show” (HGTV 7 p.m.) Have you seen the new crop of 2004 hammers? Sweet, baby!

Monday 16

“The Best TV Shows That Never Were” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) This failed TV pilot looks at some of the best TV pilots that never made it onto the air. (Ironic, no?)

Tuesday 17

“Wild West Tech: Brothel Tech” (History Channel 8 p.m.) Perhaps I've been misinformed by my weeks of watching “Deadwood,” but I was unaware that Wild West brothels were a hotbed (sorry) of high-tech innovation.

Wednesday 18

“Into Character: Breaking 2: Electric Boogaloo” (AMC 8 p.m.) Lemme see if I've got this straight: AMC's new reality series, in which real people live out their fantasies of becoming movie characters, has two guys who voluntarily want to dress up and act like Turbo and Ozone from the poppin' and lockin' classic Breaking 2: Electric Boogaloo? Leg bandanas, parachute pants, the whole nine yards? … Oh, I am so not gonna miss this.

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