Week In Sloth

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 12

“Project Greenlight 3” (Bravo 8 p.m.) After a season of screw-ups, miscommunications and colossal blunders, Dimension Films has exactly one hour to convince us that John Gulager's Feast miraculously turned out to be the greatest movie ever made. Good luck, guys.

Friday 13

“Andromeda” (Sci-Fi 5 p.m.) Muscleman Kevin Sorbo's sci-fi series signs off the air after five seasons in space.

Aloha, Scooby-Doo (Cartoon Network 9 p.m.) In this new cartoon feature, The Mysteries Inc. gang head to Hawaii for a surfing contest. Wouldn't you know it? Somebody screws up the vacation by inviting some ghosts.

“Elvis by the Presleys” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) 'Cilla and little Lisa Marie reflect on their life with the Big E.

Saturday 14

The Fallen Ones (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) Amazingly, the title does not refer to the cast (which includes Casper Van Dien, Robert Wagner and Tom Bosley), but to a race of evil angels trying to revive a 50-foot-tall mummy dug up in the sands of Egypt by some unwitting archeologists.

Sunday 15

“B.S.T.V.” (VH1 8 p.m.) Real people attend fake auditions for fake reality shows. It's like “Punk'd,” but with a different name! For those over 25, it's like “Candid Camera,” but with a different name!

Monday 16

“The Bachelor 7” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Tired of playing Don Swayze to his brother's Patrick Swayze, Charlie O'Connell (non famous brother of Jerry O'Connell), takes three whole hours to choose his final bachelorette. Romance lovers should get their fill … by watching something else.

“Everybody Loves Raymond: The Last Laugh” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) It's not quite on par with the “Seinfeld” sign-off, but Ray Romano and cast head into the sunset with an hour of interviews, highlights and behind-the-scenes footage.

Hercules (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Easy there, “Hercules” fans, Kevin Sorbo isn't back as the musclebound hero. Instead it's a three-hour movie event from the producers of The Odyssey, Gulliver's Travels and Merlin.

Tuesday 17

“Britney and Kevin: Chaotic” (KASY-50 8 p.m.) Are you one of those people that's sad now that Nick and Jessica are no longer “Newlyweds”? Well, close your eyes and watch Brit and Kev's new reality series. With your eyes closed, you can't tell one pop bimbo from another.

Wednesday 18

“Smallville” (KWBQ-19 7 p.m.) Clark begins to learn why he was sent to Earth in tonight's 90-minute season finale.

“That ’70s Show” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Remember “Happy Days” after Ron Howard left? That's when it started to suck. Now, the Ron Howard of “That ’70s Show,” Topher Grace, is leaving. Prepare for suckage.

“Animal Icons: Star Wars Creatures” (Animal Planet 7 p.m.) Animal Planet wins this week's award for the most far-fetched Star Wars tie-in. Here, we examine the “animals” of Star Wars. What are womp rats, and are they really that hard to target in a T-16?

“Revelations” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) How's that apocalypse coming along? Find out on tonight's mini/maxi/series finale.

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