Week In Sloth

The Week In Sloth

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Thursday 14

“Superweapons of the Ancient World” (Discovery 9 p.m.) Modern-day builders recreate an ancient Roman “tortoise” ram and then try to use it to smash down a recreation of a stone fortification. Who says history is boring?

Friday 15

Thoughtcrimes (USA 7 p.m.) A seemingly schizophrenic woman (Navi Rawat, “The O.C.”) is recruited by a mysterious (and most likely evil) government researcher (Peter Horton, “thirtysomething”), who is convinced she has telepathic powers. Jan de Bont (Speed, Twister) produced this made-for-TV thriller.

Saturday 16

Growing Pains 2: The Return of the Seavers (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Well, this gets my vote as the most terrifying film you'll see all of October. Alan Thicke, Joanna Kerns, Kirk Cameron and Tracy Gold are back as America's happiest, lovingest, most crisis-weathering family. Seems mom and dad want to retire and sell the old homestead, but the kids don't want them to. … Isn't this the plot to every TV sitcom-turned-reunion movie?

Sunday 17

Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) Fans of the long-running (but now canceled) Sci-Fi channel series can now officially rejoice thanks to this two-part mini-series, which wraps up many of the show's ongoing story lines.

“In Search of the Partridge Family” (VH1 7 p.m.) VH1's new reality series concludes by unveiling the 2004 replacement models for the original Partridge Family. … Seriously, don't encourage them people. Watch this, and it's “The Monkees” next season.

“John Cleese's Wine for the Confused” (Food Network, 8 p.m.) The Food Network could use a little sense of humor, and who better to provide it than the proprietor of “Fawlty Towers” himself? Amid the snide humor, Cleese provides some good info on wine buying, tasting and serving.

Monday 18

“2004 Double Dutch Jump Rope Championships” (ESPN 9:30 p.m.) Of all the quasi-sports that ESPN uses to fill up its schedule (cheerleading, billiards), double dutch is far and away the coolest. Everybody sing along: “Gimme a HO if you've got your funky bus fare …”

Tuesday 19

“The Biggest Loser” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) Thanks to TV's new reality show obsession, I can now spend my nights watching people paint their houses, clean up their living rooms, quit smoking, eat bugs and now … lose weight. Boy, the thrills never stop in TV Land.

Wednesday 20

“The Center of the Universe” (KRQE-13 8:30 p.m.) The cast is pure TV gold (John Goodman, Jean Smart, Ed Asner, Olympia Dukakis and Diedrich Bader), but the scripts are pure sitcom generica. Our working-class mom and dad just want some peace and quiet, but how can they with such a loud and wacky family in their living room every night?

South Park” (Comedy Central 11 p.m.) New episodes of “South Park.” All is right with the world.

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